CLEAN WHITE PARCHMENT

Nutshell #2 (it’s about time Marmie!  Somewhat busy with NWraw and family and….)

Zach’s first visit to NWRaw

It’s like that.  The new year is like a crisp white sheet of parchment.  I never dreamed in January 2013 that in February of the same, we would be given a dream seed of a new business.  Not in my vividest dreams could I have conjured up this new venture.  Truth is, we never know what a new year holds.  I wasn’t dreaming big enough.  That’s the problem.  What I thought was that we would be diving back into what we knew, not storming shoulders back into the new unknown.  This dream is bigger than the two of us.  It’s bigger than I could dream with a horde of dreamers.  We needed The Dream Giver to embark on this wild wonderfulness.  Astounding is what it is!  What will be written on our new parchments at the end of 2014?  Exciting to even imagine considering this past year.  What will be the joys, the challenges, the dreams and sorrows?  We will each have some of these things in the new year and most likely all, if not more.

We here on Staunton Hill are loving life; at NwRaw still hammering, still nailing, still waiting to open.  Challenge number one in 2014, open this new business ASAP.  We dreamed a dream, we pushed forward with gusto.  We gotta hike up that preverbal hill; take the high country.  Live the dream.  I like a good challenge and this new business is that.

Grand babies in the unfinished cupboards at NwRaw.  I adore this photo!

Good tidings came near the end of 2013.  News concerning the funds available for Zach in 2014; amazingly enough, plenty and then some for the hiring of a full daytime nanny!  Oh yeah, lets hear it folks!  *clap-clap-clap!  Now, Mary Poppins, if you could please appear at my front door.  Thank you very much.

What will Marmie Karen do with eight hours of care per day for her Zach Angel?  I’m reeling with ideas.  Reeeeeeling!  Write…work some at NWRaw and perhaps; no probably I will just sit and stare…breathe in the restful refreshing-ness of nothing pressing.  Tell my shoulders to get down….where they belong.  Mornings in my pjs with time to sip a hot cuppa.  Ahhhhh….

How will Zach do with a new caregiver?  She/He will be phenomenal, energetic and loving, stupendous…able to bring out the best in our beloved, or we won’t hire them, period.  In a nutshell, he will love it :).  Happy new year, happy new friend Zachie Angel!

We have our space at NwRaw almost completed and it is astoundingly beautiful.  We are working nearly around the clock to get those doors open.  Cold Pressed colorful goodness in a glass coming your way in weeks.

I can’t wait to post a full on photo of our shop and of people bustling in and out…for now…here’s a partial peek.

Dream, and stand back.  The filling of our 2014’s will be fabulous!

A CAREGIVER’S VIGOR

MY NEXT POSTS ARE DEDICATED TO THOSE WHO GIVE HARD TO THOSE WHO NEED THEM

OUR WELL BEING DICTATES, NOT ONLY OUR QUALITY OF LIFE, BUT ALSO, THAT OF THOSE WE SERVE

Love my angel boy

SEVENTEEN YEARS ITS BEEN that I’ve been awakened by sounds emitting from Zach’s room, either a seizure, a rapid barrage of his funny words, or the click-click…click of a light switch.  I know my day will include a good measure of care giving, self discipline and selflessness as my aching feet hit the wooly floor.  Sometimes, what I’d like, is to pamper myself the way I pamper my son.  It is easier now than it used to be, but there are times that are harder than others especially when my health comes up short in one area, be it a lethargic spirit, a shadow over the soul, or an imbalance in body.

My lovely Mama and I

I HAVE QUOTED 
MY MAMA in the past, her wisdom comes to remembrance when I need it most.  Pointy hammering forefinger and all, “If you don’t take care of yourself, you may not be able to care for those you love and wouldn’t that be a shame.”  So for the most part and as much as possible, I have heeded those wise words.  I have eaten well to the best of my knowledge at any given time, I have exercised nearly every day of my adult life and tended my mind and spirit to the same standard.  At the ripe old age of fifty-five, I have learned a thing, or two, yes, just a thing, or two.


WHAT WOMAN, OR MAN who is the primary care giver to a helpless child, or adult doesn’t need, and want a goodly amount of health across their triune being; spirit, soul and body to get the job done well?


I’VE LEARNED TO TAKE IT EASY ON MYSELF, to enjoy Him and those around me, but know, wrong attitudes, thoughts and endless food input can wreck havoc in a scope otherwise meant for peace and purity.  I want to avoid havoc if at all possible.  So, I try to act quickly when I see one of my “spots” out of whack.  My spirit spot is meant for His habitation (is He noted and sought after), my soul is meant for purity, to be mastered by the spirit spot (am I listening to my new heart and moving from there rather than the mind; and in that realm, am I taking every thought captive and into His thoughts?), my body is His place of habitation (am I caring for it as though I am acutely aware He resides in me?).  This is not a legalistic, regimented lifestyle;  disciplined, yes, but my discipline, not yours, or anyone else's.  It’s not about right and wrong, winning and loosing, it’s about transformation.  Am I moving along in my journey toward Him?  Do I love myself and others likewise?  Is life sweet?  Those are questions I ask myself often.


THIS FIRST POST IS DEDICATED TO THE BODY, though I believe the spirit spot in each of us deserves the place of first course, however, it being the first of the year, pacts being made and all that.  Keeping in mind, of course, that this is my husbands journey and mine, each one reading this will hear differently what he or she must do for themselves…so here goes

We love exercise…Fresh air…

…and Sunshine

A little extra weight…but happy 
Sumer 2012

Thin (er)…(still happy) into the winter
January 2013

OPTIMUM PHYSICAL HEALTH, may look quite different on me than it does on you.  Some folks just luck out and find health to be easy, others have maladies that just don’t seem fair, but then, as mama says, life isn’t supposed to be fair.  How I deal with that right there, it can be a key fashioned to turn me toward freedom, or lock me up in a lifelong mental prison of bitterness.    
I love feeling excited about life, happy to roll out of the sack in the morning and ready to dive into what the day holds.  Mind you, I don’t always feel excited, but I’d like to.  Here lately, it is much easier as my energy level rises to meet my life dream.  
I have found that the aforementioned is not wholly dependent upon a healthy body, however good health can carry a caregiver a long long ways down that hard trodden path.   Zach’s care is intense and sometimes, I’m just plain tired, or have felt I don’t have what it takes to give what I know is needed.  He, Zach, can’t help me.  He just knows he needs help and I am his helper, sick to death, or healthy as a horse, I am his caregiver. 
A few years ago, early in 2009 I had hip replacement surgery.  I was born with hip dysplasia and at 52 years of age, it was, well, plum wore out.  I was sleeping on tennis balls to cut the nerve pain and after several years of limping around like granny with a cane, I decided (with the gentle nudging of my loving husband) that it was time to fix that birth defect ASAP.  I wish I’d done it earlier.  Pain free, able to care for Zach and working out every day.  I had to take the bull by the horns so to speak and get’er’done.   

ONE WAY we looked into finding OUR OPTIMUM was through JUICE CLEANSING,   However, day two was straight from the abyss, but about day three we started to feel somewhat better and the weight was melting, yes, that miracle word…melting off.  Web, my husband of 32 years has been suffering from the effects of an autoimmune disorder, RA and skin rashes for the past ten years.  He has been on very expensive medication for the RA and antihistamines for his allergies every day.  He began to feel the positive results of our changed diet immediately (after day two, which, did I mention was from hell), he also wanted and needed to lose about thirty pounds.  Me, I thought I would support his decision and go along for a few days.  I like health; how hard can it be?  I am a fairly disciplined person, I workout almost daily and eat for my health….Ahem, reasonably well.  Piece-a-cake.  Right?  Right!

FOR ME, no RA, instead FEMALE AGING is in full force, hot flashes, weight gain and worst of all, the icy gray brain fog, arg, slog…slush!  Not terminal, I don’t think, but uncomfortable as heck.  I thought perhaps a cleanse would help with the symptoms of that and also some other light aches and pains that I have “grown” into.  I’ve tried every remedy known to man (except pharmaceuticals, which I deem a last resort) and had a little success; bio-identical hormones gave me about fifty percent relief with hot flashes in intensity and duration.  I found that with the weight gain, good old fashioned, eat less, move more was doing the trick (but SO hard!).  Then our insurance ran out last July, my ability to hang on to my bio-identical hormones went away.  Ahhhhh!  What to do?
The idea that Zach may not be as well tended as he could be sends me vaulting towards my personal optimum health (most days, because some days, I just feel like slogging it out and eating chocolate), like I said, in all three realms of my being, my spirit, my soul and my body.

A CLEANSE.  No body wants to hear about the dope next to them who found the latest cure for what ails them through their diet and a ridged exercise plan.  BOOOOO!  So I will try to be objective and unbiased…though it will be hard for me, so I will ask you to please bear with the gray-haired cheerleader.  We are twenty-five days in…details gone missing, let’s just say the past three weeks have been topsy-turvy, over headache hill and down energy mountain, over “what have I done?! cliff and on over to to the plateau; gee, I feel great!…(when can I have a burger?!).
I had heard that a cleanse could reset your health quickly without the side affects of pharmaceuticals.  I had also heard that it could kick autoimmune disorders in the derriere.  So here’s the skinny on that (google, Knife over Fork, The Juice Lady and Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead); keep in mind we did a 16 day juice cleanse (did I mention that I won’t be doing that again any time soon…) and are only a total of twenty-five days into the whole of eating nothing but raw (I started in on chicken stock and protein about 4 days ago), but some of the rewards of all that climbing and plummeting are in…

SURPRISE NUMBER ONE, In the morning, or rather the middle of the night when I’d get up to care for Zach I’d find myself hobbling from the pain in the souls of my feet; I’d heard that it was just something old folks put up with (nerve damage, or something like that), so I did, until about day five of the cleanse when I noted that the pain had almost completely disappeared.
NUMBER TWO, we heard through a friend that a local chiropractor was treating his RA with diet and had had great success (no pharmaceuticals), this news spurred us on even further.  Web says his joint pain is nearly gone just from changing his diet and his rash has diminished.
NUMBER THREE, how does Zach feel when we are not ourselves because of pain, or poor health?  Would mom and dad’s regained verve affect Zach?  I would think, Zach being highly tuned to the spiritual world, would sense our well being with greater receptivity than we do and I know how I respond when someone with good health, glowing skin and sparkly eyes comes into my space.  I not only see it, I feel it!  We are pretty sure Zach is feeling our good health.  He is smiley and happy.
NUMBER FOUR, the energy level I began to feel around day twelve was awesome.  I felt and continue to feel like a kid!  It’s a good high.  One I’d like to stay on.  I had ups and downs till day twelve.  In fact…I was ready to bail.  So glad I stayed on the juice wagon.  Web says he can’t ever remember feeling this good.
NUMBER FIVE, seven pounds for me; twenty lbs for Web, in twenty-five days.  Not the goal of the cleanse, but hey, a nice side affect don’t ya think?
NUMBER SIX, Sloshy, slushy gray brain fog…gone!  Hot flashes, better some days and others, they are the same.  I am still holding out hope that as I continue, they will be alleviated, obliterated, blown out of my body completely.
AND STILL COUNTING…

Day one, December 28th…not well hubby

Day twenty-eight, January 25th…Amazing results!

   

28 days in….I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED on our successes and perhaps failures.  We are, after all, human, but I am a believer!  Yesterday we had an exciting addition of a little smoked salmon sprinkled on our raw salad.  We nearly cried it tasted so good!  Protein is underrated.  We are in this for the long haul; slowly adding goodness to our food regime and routing out those things that cause a bad reaction.  It’s a food adventure!  
Organic raw food, fresh air and exercise to heal, or pharmaceuticals?  I don’t know about you, but we choose the former.

Fun Raw Recipe:

Rich and Creamy Mock Pate

Ingredients:

2 stalks celery (finely diced)

2 cups raw walnut pieces

1 large red bell pepper (cut into fine diced-sized pieces)

1 large scallion or 1/2 a leek (finely diced)

1/2 to 1 teaspoon sea salt

My addition 1/8 tsp liquid smoke.  And I don't finely dice my veggies, just slice them up so they fit into the VitaMix.  The VM does all the work for ya.

Put all ingredients into a blender, and puree until mixture is creamy smooth in texture.

Scoop onto cucumber slices, carrot discs, or an array of fresh sliced veggies of your choice.  

Beginning a New Journey

OUR VIEW

NEW… this phrase does not find a comfortable home underneath the hair and skull of an obsessive compulsive person.  Same-same, that settles right tight between the purring ears.  However, sometimes, a family needs some new, or in this case can’t help that new is coming.  How do we prepare our loves that might not cope well with change for that very thing?  I am in the throws of this now.  First, I must get myself over the hump of a move after settling on this hilltop for nearly twenty-seven years.  Then I might be able to prepare Zach for what might be absolute upheavel.

IT MIGHT NOT MANIFEST as what I’m envisioning.  Change rarely does.  We’ve watched this “change” in job and possibly in location coming down a slippery pike for, oh, over a year now.  I’ve had to be willing (very difficult for a stick-in-the-mud like myself), and thus already…in my mind I’ve prodded myself to move on, straight up to Seattle, jogged up to Portland and on over to Bend.  Now…seriously?  Do we get to stay in our beloved valley?  I had to labor to get to the point of real willingness, not just saying, “OK, I’ll go” but actually being excited about going if that was on the docket of, the life and times of Web and Karen Staunton.  I started this post thinking we were moving, we did a gigantic purge of twenty-six years of “stuff” pushed into cabinets, closets and behind the storage shed (That.  Already obese with junk).  Oh the stuff we’ve acquired, stored and now chucked.  It feels much cleaner, lighter, like breathing fresh air after lungs full of thick smoke.

THIS PURGE, it’s healthy, whether we move, or stay and so is the mental willingness…empowering, yep, that’s the right word, as I let go of twenty-six years of memories jarred loose in the change-thing, I realize I will always have those memories whether the stuff stays, or goes (let someone else make a memory with it), I am now able to make room for more living and to push the save button and move on (not that I’ve gotten rid of it all. *shamefaced).  But now, I give thanks for being able to hatch and raise our family in this wonderful hilltop-hacienda.  To think of leaving as positive was no small feat.  I struggled (might still struggle).

AS we prepare Zach for this change…
HOW DO WE “move a rooted Zach” forward?  Will he melt down, stay melted down; not be the same happy man-child we’ve learned to work with?  Because meltdowns, they equal no fun and throbbing eardrums.  Still; meltdowns happen.
THERE ARE SMALL THINGS we can do, but first off…I believe in talking to, The Being Who Has The Power To Transform and positive brain waves that move before us and make the path smooth and easily followable: Whether we know it, or not these positive thoughts help the atmosphere around our children also.  If we are not dealing well with a situation it throws stumbling blocks into their world and it’s much more difficult for them to wade through these obstacles of fear and confusion than it is for us.
ALSO communicating to our children about the move and reassuring that all of their loved things will come along; even though Zach is nonverbal we assume he hears, because we really are unable to know what he is and isn’t able to process.
MAKE A PLAN as to what  moving day will look like.  Will the child’s room stay in tact till the morning of?  In our case this would need to be the case.  On top of that, Zach’s stuff would need to arrive and be set up before him and in a longer move, this might pose a problem.  *Note to self here, deal with one day at a time.  We would have to prepare, not only Zach, but ourselves for the long arduous days ahead of reestablishing Zach’s comforts and routine.  In a nutshell, prepare for the days ahead and then roust the good within to deal healthily with what is.

THIS is today’s post (actually started months ago and still we wait for answers to change); I do hope we are not prodded on, but…as I journal, what will tomorrow hold and am I willing?

MEANWHILE we have had a married daughter and hubby move from Portland to our basement…expecting our fifth grand child (due October, 6th).  Oh happy day!

RACHEL, TREVOR and BABY ELAITHIA

SON, JOSHUA graduated Full Sail University in August and has moved to Portland looking for work in the indi film industry.

JOSHUA, August 30th

FOUR BEAUTIFUL GRAND BABIES continue to grow and keep the memories coming.  

MONTANNA AND URIAH September 22nd

JULIANA and SAVANNAH September 19th

IMPROMPTU, it happens on Staunton Hill.  KEEP IT COMING, or move it on!

Eat Your Oatmeal!...With Your Fingers

Oatmeal.  The word is warm, it steams, it gurgles on the stovetop and the aroma congers up the image of a cool fall morning when woodsmoke hangs in the air and geese honk overhead.  


There, on the ranch cook stove in mama’s oversized pot we’d lift the lid with a clang and view the bubbling slime ("looks like buggers,” one of the six said); our breakfast.  Since then I have come to enjoy oatmeal and its many benefits.  I’ve fed it to my growing children with their health in mind, save one, Zach.

Zach does not eat with utensils, a small obstacle, therefore, porrage’y type foods are out for him, which proves a slight health conscious dilemma for his caregiver, me.  I once heard a friend say that she cooked her irish oatmeal in the crockpot all night long.  I cocked my head to the side and took note, I’d never heard of that method for cooking oats before.  I didn’t give it much thought till I saw some recipes for the same posted on the newly put forth social media craze, Pintrest.  I gave the pottage a whirl this winter while we had our grown children and grand babies visiting (I forgot to spray oil into the crockpot first though.  A mild expletive inducing mistake).  The recipe was, to me, surprisingly delicious, in spite of the heavy brown crust lining the inside of my shiny crockpot insert.

It got me thinking.  How can I get Zach to eat this?  I made up a cookie recipe similar to the oats (a good second), I tried the spoon to the lips routine, which caused my twenty-year-old to turn his head in displeasure.  Ha-rumph-a-rooie!  Well, you know what they say, where there’s a will, there’s a way, by gum (thanks, Grandpa Culp for the, “By gum” part)!

Shortly thereafter I had an epiphany during one of my unnerving “middle of the night hot-flashes”; they can be useful occasionally.  I was excited to give it a try.  The next evening I mixed all of the ingredients into my ancient, never say die slow cooker (I forgot to spray the oil in first...again!).  I set the dial to low and smiled, as I meandered up the stairs with a book under my arm, tea in hand; a healthy breakfast would be ready to serve as soon as feet hit the floor. These small seemingly silly things give this homemaker/caregiver a great since of accomplishment.

This loosey-goosey easy recipe can fire up the culinary artist in almost anyone because, really, you can add any number of ingredients to the base of oats, all sorts of healthy things like flax, coconut, nuts, raisins, peanut butter, crisp bacon (organic, pasture raised of course, for savory lovers), chia seeds, hemp seeds, et cetera.  The next morning, if you like oats, you’ll find breakfast warm, satiating and yum.  

After Web (Zach’s dad) an I had our, utensil eaten oats that swam happily in melted butter and brown sugar, I plunked the heavy cinnamon smelling ingredients into a greased bread pan, pressed them as though I were making a mold and baked the “loaf” for an hour at 350 degrees (you may refrigerate the leftover oats and bake the loaf in a day, or two.  The refrigeration makes the concoction firmer and easier to work with; just press the cooked refrigerated oats into the greased loaf pan as directed above and bake).  Once cooled, this amazingly healthy loaf cereal may be cut into moist finger sized slices for dipping in melted butter and maple syrup, or for the utensil’less eater, bite sized squares.

As Zach’s health and fitness guru, I’m very happy to have come up with a way for him to eat oatmeal...with his fingers no less and me, I’ve given it a shot, you bet!  It works for we busy utensil users who want the experience of eating oatmeal with our fingers occasionally; quite satisfying actually.  Spread on a pat of softened pasture butter, drizzle a little warm honey over the top and eat on the go-go-go.

This experiment, gone good, has added a much needed change-up in Zach’s deeply rutted breakfast routine.  I hope it also helps you kick one little finger-food-eating breakfast dilemma in the buttski!

 

Slow Cooker Steel Cut Oatmeal, With Options

Make sure to use steel cut oats in this delicious crockpot breakfast recipe.  I use Bob’s Red Mill organic steel cut oats (look for gluten free).  Costco now sells steel cut oats in 4 LB 8 OZ bags.  Yay Costco!

Prep Time: 15 minutes Cook Time: 8 hours Total Time: 8 hours, 15 minutes
Organic Ingredients: (you may make up your own, by using the 1 cup oats and 4 cups water, just add a total of 2 cups of anything, coconut, raisins, flax, chia seeds…mix it up oh creative one :))

• 1 cup steel cut oats

• 1/2 cup of cold milled flaxseed, or chia seeds




• 1 cup dried cranberries

• 1 cup dates, chopped

• 4 cups water, with a 1/2 tsp salt and a pinch of cinnamon and mace added

• 1/2 cup half and half

• 2 tablespoons honey, or maple syrup

Preparation:
Spray inside of slow cooker with organic nonstick cooking spray…please. Combine all ingredients except half and half and honey in the slow cooker, cover and cook on LOW for 7 to 8 hours. Stir in half and half and honey, and serve with butter and sweetener (coconut palm sugar is a winner).  With leftovers (if there are any) grease a loaf pan with coconut oil, or nonstick spray and pour oatmeal to within 1/2 inch of the top.  Bake at 350 degrees for up to one hour, or until set.  The loaf will set further when it is cooled and placed into the refrigerator.  Loaf may be sliced and stored in the refrigerator for up to a week.  You may warm it slightly in a buttered frying pan, or microwave. Drizzle with a mixture of melted butter and warmed honey, mmmm.  Messy, a little yes, but so delicious!  Zach eats it right out of the fridge.

AUTISM AWARENESS DAY, un-feng-shui-ed

AUTISM AWARENESS DAY...It’s the end thereof.  Mommies and daddies all over the world spent twenty-four hours somewhat like this….

JUST BECAUSE-OR-MUST BECAUSE…

In honor of our son, Zachariah William who carries the torch of light and joy

IT IS MORE THAN "JUST" for Zach, it is “must”:  Thinking In Pictures, by Temple Grandin. Both the book and the movie shine an important and creative light into the world of Autism.  

ZACH HAS AN internal alarm clock (a groove not unlike the Mariana Trench located in his brain that wakes him between 1:30 and 3:00.  Time change, schmime change).  Those pesky must’s!  I slog down the stairs in my pj’s at 1:45 (Web and I alternate nights getting up with Zach, last night was my night to get up).  I make my way into Zach's room.  He’s out of bed playing with a bin full of stuffed toys, he’s stuck (stuck happens).  I wait…still waiting.  My back feels like a tight bungie, I lean over and grab the toys on the floor and toss them onto his bed then…after what seems like an hour, I lift the bin and place it on his bed (thinking out of sight…).  He stands wondering where his toys have gone (but he’s moving).  His sagging wet diaper is replaced with a nice dry one.  He and I schlep to the kitchen with his water cup.

ZACH flips toys across the carpet, I stare blankly he’s stuck again.  I keep saying, “water” to cue him, but it takes a while…finally, ten minutes later...we replace the water cup in the fridge door with the newly filled one.  He grabs the cold one….must because) then digs around in the silk leaves (he’s yanked off of my silk plant over the past two years), window clings and such that fill the metal sand bucket setting on the counter (it’s his special stash)…must because.  Were I not such a close observer of autism, I may say from afar, most of life is….just because.  However, I have concluded that from Zach’s compulsive nature, most of his obsessions are “must because's” for him.  So we grow patients, you know, those rare nerve endings that can take a licking and keep on ticking?  Yep, those tender whips.
He climbs back into bed; I’ve gotten his movie and computer up and running, I say goodnight and haul my goose fleshed body up the stairs and back to bed.



4:00, THE WORD “diaper” hits sleep dulled eardrums.  I feet-fumble-stumble down the stairs and into his room, his diaper is hugging his knees.  He wants it off.  The heavy insides do a back-flip to the floor.  I am so overly grossed out right now….., but there is no stopping him, and there’s a huge cow pie, aka “Zach-pie” on his clean rug!  He’s about to put his butt on his sheets, no time for medical gloves…darn those must’s, those must’s, those must’s!!  I grab a few wipes from the container beside his bed and do a quick swipe, good, but not good enough.  I don gloves, working quickly to clean him up, fit him to a new diaper and powder, lots of powder (all the while hoping the poop angel kept the sheets clean) and then….it’s the same routine as before, kitchen, water, dig in bucket, back to bed.  Poop angel fail….I wipe the bed with a handful of wipes… I’m not in the mood to change sheets at 4:am; his bed has been changed four times in the last four days.  He’s up for the day.  I am not.  He’s back in bed with cookies.  I'm back in bed fighting a hot flash and begging sleep to come.

Zach’s bed at 7:am after hours of playtime.

6:30, EXERCISE BIKE for interval training; Web has been out in his wood shop working since 4:00; Zach has every book from his bookshelf on his bed along with every ball from the closet and every stuffed animal from the bin that sets on his toy shelf.  His bed looks like the city dump (cleaner and smells better…today anyway).  I am reading, Save The Cat!, sweating profusely, hoping that the ride will pump my sleep heavy legs to life and that the read will glue my hinder parts to my desk chair.  I get coffee when I complete twenty grueling minutes!  Coffee!!!

7:00,  Coffee.  Wait, I meant, COFFEE!!!!

8:00, ...AND DAD BEGINS Zach’s morning routine.  Books are read, tickles are given (if Zach is in the mood to be tickled, otherwise…. “no-koko!").  Steam boils from the shower; towels, toothbrush ready, diaper and clothes set out…they are ducks in a pond; water everywhere: I draw, crush, and suck his meds and supplements into syringes and prepare his gluten, egg, dairy, peanut free breakfast.

Anti-seizure meds and supplements have to
be liquid.
Pill swallowing is a "mustn’t”.

8:20, I GIVE ZACH HIS MEDS, same place (near the kitchen sink), same position everyday, must because. His computer is moved to the table along with his toys.  Web sits at the table with him, shape toys, photo recognition, popsicle sticks in the slot….till Zach has had his fill.  Even more coffee.



8:45, ZACH EATS BREAKFAST on the sunken living room stairs (it’s his chosen place to eat his meals, except dinner which he takes on the kitchen floor).  Web and I have more coffee and engage in a quick conversation, “what are your plans today?”  “How are you feeling?”  I love you’s said and “Lets do lunch."

9:00 DIAPER change, whether he needs it or not, yep…must because.

9:10, OUTSIDE today we go directly to the yard to play kick-it (a game where multiple balls are kicked from one side of the yard to the other for hours sometimes).  He did not want to walk his trail today.  Sad.

New cup idea came to me yesterday.
It’s the tiniest things that bring a smile.
Jelly jar, plastic canning jar cap with a
hole drilled into the side. Insert straw.

Kick-it in the muddy yard.

9:30, INSIDE BRIEFLY for more balls and a drink of water.

10:00, INSIDE, YES, BRIEFLY for more balls and a drink of water.
It's Tuesday and from 10:00 to 2:00 we have respite; Aunt Linda.  I take a walk, get dressed and delve into this blog.

10:30, SNACK TIME for Zach.  He gets his cookies (Oatmeal) reads his books and Farm and Ranch magazines with Aunt Linda.  They snuggle on the couch and watch Sesame Street (oddly, I’m jealous, this is my favorite “Zach time").

11:30, LUNCH TIME, pork-turkey veggie loaf, apple, baby carrots and pickles.

12:00, walk down the love trail.  Back for another round of kick-it, or two, perhaps three…must because.

Zach waiting for mom to come read
"Aur-aur”.

2:30-3:30, BEDTIME routine.  We begin by hauling all the balls that have been taken outside for the day inside, two heaping buckets.  His computer goes back onto his nightstand, the movie, Homeward Bound is slipped into the dvd player, the blinds and curtains are closed, white noise turned on….every detail is checked, “must because”.  Zach removes his own shoes and socks and gets a drink of water.  He goes back to bed to remove his pants, drinks more water (which is always done in the kitchen…must because), back to the bedroom to get the toys he wants to sleep with and he climbs into bed pulls the covers up, grabs a book and waits for mom to come read.

Zach’s favorite page in The Tortoise and The Hare.  It’s all in the
 drawl…"weellll, Slim, do you want Jelly on
that peanut butter?” (you have to have
played the Living Books computer game to understand)

3:45, STORIES ARE READ (we’ve been reading the same stories for 17 years (The Tortoise and The Hare, Just Grandma and Me, Arthurs Teacher Trouble and a book of family photos. Today he chose all new books.  What’s with that?!  This is our time to lie together, talk about his day and we often do EFT (emotional freedom tapping).  He loves one particular side of his head tapped.  I adore this part of our day; I look forward to laying beside him, his soft hair up against my cheek as we read, laugh and connect telepathically, spiritually.  Serenity and peace (more precious than gold) fall heavy.

Dinner picnic style!

4:00 HE TOOK his dinner (in the hallway) outside of his room picnic style (this kid knows how to live!).

5:00, HE'S ASLEEP.  (Yes, we have tried putting him to bed later to see if he sleeps in a bit, but no).
Needless to say, it is now 8:30 and I’m thinking tea and horizontal.  Web and I, on a typical evening, will be found in bed yawning around 7:00, perhaps watching a movie, or reading with our ceramic buckets of rooibos tea.

(Common things this day didn’t include, a seizure and a loud meltdown; thankful!)

Ahhhhh, till 1:30 or 2:00….Good night!

Feng Shui Redundancy, The Same Day Over and Over and….

Redundancy by its very nature negates creativity.  Is it even possible to live creatively, when we are stuck within the stifling walls of the same structure, a life-time of Groundhog’s Day (the comedy with Bill Murray) because someone we love, someone we care for has a malady and must live his/her life within the confines of obsessiveness and compulsivity?

Daily We Are Handed the Same Experience:  The list goes here.  It is the same every day.  How can we be made new in all this oldness; have sparkle and shine?  It has been said many times to those who care for loved ones, 'You have to have a life; you deserve a life.’  I understand the remark, but I do have a life.  Ultimately, we all need to iron out the life we’ve been given, not fear what may happen, or want a different life for a loved one faced with caregiving.  It’s true that sometimes my life feels confining, less free than I’d like, but that is only an illusion.  I am as free as anyone.  Freedom doesn’t always include mobility.  Freedom isn’t the ability to do what you want, it is the ability to do what’s right.

Most days I love my life and wouldn’t want any other and I find it extremely purposeful and artful…and free.   I have learned to love my life and the Life Giver.

This Ground Hog’s Day (the movie) existence has been my reality for nigh on seventeen years now and like Bill Murray’s character, I have figured out a thing or two, I am still excited when something new presents itself no matter how small; a new way to enjoy the same old thing because….this is my life:  Groundhog’s Day'ish.  My eyes look for ways to add color to the gray of redundancy.  We can be swooshed right into a new day, a new time when we look through open-thankful eyes.  The situation stays the same, I change, sometimes the situation changes, but always, we should remain playable to being transformed into the new creation God envisioned when He began re-creating us in that, “look with your whole being (behold)! all things become new”, way.  This isn’t just a nice saying, I have found this to be a living truth.

For Instance, two days ago my son and I were outside playing in the frosty yard, as we do every day rain, snow, sheets of ice etc…sometimes it is as simple as looking at what I have and being thankful; a view, the ability to do what I do, a day without rain, steam rising from a hot mug of something (I was very thankful for the nearly full length Patagonia down coat my kind husband bought for me this winter).  The scene was the same as every day, but I saw and appreciated what was there.  Sometimes something new needs to be dropped into “same”.  Say, a small mobile iPod speaker, now we are showered with inspiration as we kick balls from one side of the yard to the other; same was new.  I recently found it astounding that such a small thing as a new kind of tea can bring on a wide smile.
www.teavana.com
The soothing blend of rooibos tea and coconut drifting under my nose can take me mile after blissful mile down the road of boring.  Old made new because I choose to see blessings, I look, I behold what God is creating inside of me.  I might go my whole life without looking; observing with my body-soul-spirit what is really going on behind the curtain of my skin.




Today a Little Glitter in my gray, I got up early to work on this post and found our boy sitting up in bed with his entire library piled upon his brown bedspread with a Berenstine Bear book open before him as he worked through the stack; a change up from the confines of the usual; sitting on the floor and playing with his bin of stuffed animals.  Shine and a mom smile.

We Were Created with an inborn desire to make art; clean crazy creative, with our minds, with our eyes and our hands.  When we can’t read a book because we are tending; ear buds and an audio book work like magic.  When we can’t paint, or write…we study with our eyes, build stories in our head and take audio notes on our iPhone.  If we can’t bring culinary desires to fruition, we plan a gourmet meal in our head, lay out how the table will look with an antique table cloth, wooden candleholders and wheat grass as centerpiece and think…someday soon.  There are ways to enjoy redundant, there are always ways to enjoy life.

Open Wide the Eyes of Our Faces, of our hearts and minds.  I’d love to know what you come up with.  Creating and creativity of all kinds make me feel alive.

HOW TO FENG SHUI FLYING SOLO-WHAT A DAY LOOKS LIKE WHEN DAD IS AWAY

THREE DAYS WITHOUT DAD-WHAT’LL WE DO?  FENG SHUI—!

Zach stuck on the stairs with two of
his favorite kick-it balls

Dad just left.  The house is quiet.  Zach has had three seizures these past two days.  The huge bug eyed monster of “alone” is staring back at me; a bit intimidating.  Zach is stuck and confused, he’s setting on the stairs, it’s almost 1:00 p.m. and he just finished his breakfast; no walk today, no kick it either.  Mom has had no breakfast save three cups of coffee and one jasmine pearl green tea.   Lunch thus far, a handful of sunflower seeds and a banana...

I anticipate this will be an uneventful day, but I’ve imagined that before and things happen; unexpected interruptions and Zach’isms no amount of planning can accommodate.

What I’d like to do; get a cup of tea, read and study, write, watch a movie, concoct some gooey gourmet food, eat chocolate and ice cream, curl up on the couch for a nap, take a nice slow walk in the sunshine and go directly to bed with a good book…Life, on the other hand, has asked me to care for the “least of these” as though he were Christ himself.  This time, I will choose Life rather than be self indulgent; I can care for me in the midst of life lived abundantly.

…An hour later….My gourmet lunch today…it came to consists of cold raw milk poured over Nature’s Path Heritage Flakes.  Rather than hunching over the counter and jamming soup spoonful after scoop into my mouth, I sat at the kitchen bar and ate like a normal person, albeit somewhat ravenously and with milk dripping off the end of my chin.  I had to stop myself, an entire half-gallon of raw milk, as well as a newly opened box of cereal almost vanished...

…At 2:00 p.m., Zach is beginning his bedtime routine.  He, with his very sleepy eyes, is covered up in his freshly changed double bed with a plastic container of foam numbers and letters open before him.  He goes through this routine every night picking just the right number, shape or letter’s to take to bed with him.  Tonight he has reclined to do this very important chore that is usually done hanging off the side of the bed.  Apparently his energy level is on par with mine; not high enough to lean, or hunch.

I will go in and read Zach his bedtime stories soon, he may, or may not finish his very early dinner, watch a movie in bed and fall asleep.  I presume my evening will follow this pattern very closely; although, after consuming such large amounts of cereal, my early dinner may be popcorn popped in coconut oil, topped with sea salt and a fresh, high quality (light-yellow in color) brewers yeast along with…perhaps a few ounces of dark chocolate.

The soundtrack to Anne Of Green Gables is tinkling in the background-I stand at my front door and gaze across our very warm valley on this September day where Extreme Home Makeover is wrapping up yet another marvelous projects for a family in our area with not one, but two biological autistic children, the McPhails.  Now that is some serious feng shui!  I sigh holding my mug of tea, there is a lot of good out there as well as in here.  We are not alone and really nice things happen to brighten life here and there.  A cup of tea, a view and a comfy chair go along way in my world.

After Zach falls asleep, I’d like to think that I will put on my grandmother’s apron and toss together some random ingredients and make myself a "fun healthy for me" meal, pour myself a small glass of wine and treat myself to a quiet simple dish eaten in reflection and solitude and then (if it was tasty) I would post the recipe with this blog.  We’ll see.  I laid awake for three hours last night (raging hot flashes) and then at 1:30 a.m. tended a very post-ictal young man.  I wish I were bionic, but alas, I am wrapped in real flesh with warm blood coursing through my veins.  I pat my, full of Heritage Flakes belly, bed I think won’t come fast enough...

…Three hours later, Zach slid out of bed and is setting on the kitchen floor with his untouched supper, his water cup and the foam toys he picked out; enter the unexpected…he is stuck…will he eat, will bedtime ever come?  Will I get that quiet house ‘er?

6:00 p.m., I hear little rabbit nibbling sounds behind the butcher block…hope springs!…

Fast rabbit, 6:15 he’s done eating.  It’s finally quiet; wish Web were here to enjoy the sunset and a glass of riesling with me.  Pj’s, glasses perched on nose, iced rooibos tea and some reading it is!

Day two…Zach slept till 4:40 a.m., this is a very good miracle!  So it wasn’t 6:00 a.m., it was better than the normal 2:30 a.m.  *I feel rested-I feel good-I feel ready to care as I should*.  The fuel behind this happy dance is that I’m aware how I feel most days.  Thank the living Life for gracing our night with much needed sleep!  Shower for Zach (though I am still in my pj's), meds and supplements in Zach (though my supplements lay on the counter), breakfast made for Zach (no breakie for mom), coffee into me….toy time!

Whatever this day holds, I’m ready to do my part, as Web/Dad teaches a group at Sun River about the powerful meaning of christian marriage.  Thus far the buzz is, it has been well received and just what the body needs to hear.

2:00 p.m.-One hour to the Extreme Home Makeovers “Move That Bus!”  How wonderful for this deserving family!!

3:00 p.m. and they’ve most likely “moved that bus”.  I think I can hear the cheering and tears from my hilltop; perhaps just in Spirit.  Go McPhails!!  Bedtime for Zach.  Those seizures can take a lot out of a young man.  Mom is going to study and write; maybe post this blog.

Second day Foodie in the kitchen, while Zach snores on the couch for two hours.

Southwest Chicken Dip

4 chicken breasts cooled, cooked and shredded, or chopped

1 tsp kosher salt

1/2 cup chopped cilantro

4 green onions chopped

1/2 sweet white onion

1 avocado chopped finely

1 4oz can diced green chilies

1 4oz can shoepeg corn

1 4 oz can mexican corn (or for the canned corn, cut corn off of three ears roasted corn[leave husks in tact, soak ears in a large tub of cold water for 2-6 hours, roast in husk on barbecue.  Peal and cut the corn off of the cob])

DRESSING

1/3 cup soy free Veganaise

1 Lime, juiced

1/2 lemon juiced

dash of cumin

Mix together and serve with gluten free Beanitos corn free chips.  Makes a great light summer meal.

Tomorrow marks day three; four hours of respite, but….oh dear...I have a routine mamo, what an awful way to spend blessed respite hours, but alas it must be done and ’tis better done without a twenty-year-old autistic in tow.  Dad will be home tomorrow!!  I think we did this!


OPTIMALLY WHEN GOING IT ALONE, MY FENG SHUI’ED DESIRES LOOK SOMETHING LIKE THIS—

Kick-it

There would be no seizures.  And one of the days, we would have a long stint of respite care.  I’d call ahead and book myself an hour long massage and a pedicure at spa and schedule lunch at the Dragonfly with my sisters, or a friend.  I would have saved enough money to go to my favorite used clothing store, Avant Garb in Ashland-just to look, or maybe I’d find that desired thing-a pair of black cowgirl boots with flair-then I’d loop my purse over my shoulder and lolly-gag along the streets of the very picturesque pre-autumn sun-filled Ashland, Oregon, with a cup of joe from Noble Coffee.

Zach on his run/walk

chair time

Zach would be happily playing kick-it in the yard with one of his lovely respite care givers.  They would fix him his favorite noon meal (organic hot dogs, pickles and organic strawberries and a banana), take him for his midday walk/run and play toy-toys with him on the couch and read, Winnie The Pooh and Tigger Too, his favorite book.  He would be clapping, bouncing like Tigger and wearing a smile from ear to ear all day long.

After a quick trip to the Ashland Food Coop to snatch up a few of my favorite items, chocolate, salami and cheese, a nice red wine and perhaps a warm freshly baked baguette to go with.  Zach would welcome me home happily and I, I would be glad to be home on our quiet hilltop.  He and I would have some time to play in the yard, me with my sparkling lemonade, before the onset of his bedtime routine.  I’d fix dinner for him and place it on the plate prettily, put him to bed, give him the royal treatment; movie, dinner in bed, books read, a good melon scratch and some time beside him on the pillow, head to head-love pouring from one noggin to the other.

Everyone should have a tea set and a
teatime, or two in their day.

I’d click my ruby red slippers and soothing music would begin, maybe a little Jack Johnson, pour a little boysenberry iced tea into a pretty cup, or perhaps some wine, arrange my, no doubt, colorful dinner on a white stoneware plate while doing a little jig, put on a good chick-flick, or pick up a good book, perhaps thee Good Book and curl up on my very soft brown couch and enjoy a spot of serenity.  I’d hear Zach snoring softly in the monitor.  The house would be very quiet; I’d lock it up and wander up the stairs, climb between two white line dried cotton sheets and Zach and I would sleep till 6:00am without waking.


Feng Shui, what it boils down to-making the best of what we have; we scoot unpleasant out the door and replace it with helpful and pleasant and with the mind, we turn all happenings around till we find the good spot.  Happy’er life!

Coming soon, In Pictures-One Week Feng Shui’ed-Our Family Vacation and a Big Ol’ Mountain Wedding and right on those high heels, The Healing Laughter of Sister Time.