Beginning a New Journey

OUR VIEW

NEW… this phrase does not find a comfortable home underneath the hair and skull of an obsessive compulsive person.  Same-same, that settles right tight between the purring ears.  However, sometimes, a family needs some new, or in this case can’t help that new is coming.  How do we prepare our loves that might not cope well with change for that very thing?  I am in the throws of this now.  First, I must get myself over the hump of a move after settling on this hilltop for nearly twenty-seven years.  Then I might be able to prepare Zach for what might be absolute upheavel.

IT MIGHT NOT MANIFEST as what I’m envisioning.  Change rarely does.  We’ve watched this “change” in job and possibly in location coming down a slippery pike for, oh, over a year now.  I’ve had to be willing (very difficult for a stick-in-the-mud like myself), and thus already…in my mind I’ve prodded myself to move on, straight up to Seattle, jogged up to Portland and on over to Bend.  Now…seriously?  Do we get to stay in our beloved valley?  I had to labor to get to the point of real willingness, not just saying, “OK, I’ll go” but actually being excited about going if that was on the docket of, the life and times of Web and Karen Staunton.  I started this post thinking we were moving, we did a gigantic purge of twenty-six years of “stuff” pushed into cabinets, closets and behind the storage shed (That.  Already obese with junk).  Oh the stuff we’ve acquired, stored and now chucked.  It feels much cleaner, lighter, like breathing fresh air after lungs full of thick smoke.

THIS PURGE, it’s healthy, whether we move, or stay and so is the mental willingness…empowering, yep, that’s the right word, as I let go of twenty-six years of memories jarred loose in the change-thing, I realize I will always have those memories whether the stuff stays, or goes (let someone else make a memory with it), I am now able to make room for more living and to push the save button and move on (not that I’ve gotten rid of it all. *shamefaced).  But now, I give thanks for being able to hatch and raise our family in this wonderful hilltop-hacienda.  To think of leaving as positive was no small feat.  I struggled (might still struggle).

AS we prepare Zach for this change…
HOW DO WE “move a rooted Zach” forward?  Will he melt down, stay melted down; not be the same happy man-child we’ve learned to work with?  Because meltdowns, they equal no fun and throbbing eardrums.  Still; meltdowns happen.
THERE ARE SMALL THINGS we can do, but first off…I believe in talking to, The Being Who Has The Power To Transform and positive brain waves that move before us and make the path smooth and easily followable: Whether we know it, or not these positive thoughts help the atmosphere around our children also.  If we are not dealing well with a situation it throws stumbling blocks into their world and it’s much more difficult for them to wade through these obstacles of fear and confusion than it is for us.
ALSO communicating to our children about the move and reassuring that all of their loved things will come along; even though Zach is nonverbal we assume he hears, because we really are unable to know what he is and isn’t able to process.
MAKE A PLAN as to what  moving day will look like.  Will the child’s room stay in tact till the morning of?  In our case this would need to be the case.  On top of that, Zach’s stuff would need to arrive and be set up before him and in a longer move, this might pose a problem.  *Note to self here, deal with one day at a time.  We would have to prepare, not only Zach, but ourselves for the long arduous days ahead of reestablishing Zach’s comforts and routine.  In a nutshell, prepare for the days ahead and then roust the good within to deal healthily with what is.

THIS is today’s post (actually started months ago and still we wait for answers to change); I do hope we are not prodded on, but…as I journal, what will tomorrow hold and am I willing?

MEANWHILE we have had a married daughter and hubby move from Portland to our basement…expecting our fifth grand child (due October, 6th).  Oh happy day!

RACHEL, TREVOR and BABY ELAITHIA

SON, JOSHUA graduated Full Sail University in August and has moved to Portland looking for work in the indi film industry.

JOSHUA, August 30th

FOUR BEAUTIFUL GRAND BABIES continue to grow and keep the memories coming.  

MONTANNA AND URIAH September 22nd

JULIANA and SAVANNAH September 19th

IMPROMPTU, it happens on Staunton Hill.  KEEP IT COMING, or move it on!

Feng Shui Redundancy, The Same Day Over and Over and….

Redundancy by its very nature negates creativity.  Is it even possible to live creatively, when we are stuck within the stifling walls of the same structure, a life-time of Groundhog’s Day (the comedy with Bill Murray) because someone we love, someone we care for has a malady and must live his/her life within the confines of obsessiveness and compulsivity?

Daily We Are Handed the Same Experience:  The list goes here.  It is the same every day.  How can we be made new in all this oldness; have sparkle and shine?  It has been said many times to those who care for loved ones, 'You have to have a life; you deserve a life.’  I understand the remark, but I do have a life.  Ultimately, we all need to iron out the life we’ve been given, not fear what may happen, or want a different life for a loved one faced with caregiving.  It’s true that sometimes my life feels confining, less free than I’d like, but that is only an illusion.  I am as free as anyone.  Freedom doesn’t always include mobility.  Freedom isn’t the ability to do what you want, it is the ability to do what’s right.

Most days I love my life and wouldn’t want any other and I find it extremely purposeful and artful…and free.   I have learned to love my life and the Life Giver.

This Ground Hog’s Day (the movie) existence has been my reality for nigh on seventeen years now and like Bill Murray’s character, I have figured out a thing or two, I am still excited when something new presents itself no matter how small; a new way to enjoy the same old thing because….this is my life:  Groundhog’s Day'ish.  My eyes look for ways to add color to the gray of redundancy.  We can be swooshed right into a new day, a new time when we look through open-thankful eyes.  The situation stays the same, I change, sometimes the situation changes, but always, we should remain playable to being transformed into the new creation God envisioned when He began re-creating us in that, “look with your whole being (behold)! all things become new”, way.  This isn’t just a nice saying, I have found this to be a living truth.

For Instance, two days ago my son and I were outside playing in the frosty yard, as we do every day rain, snow, sheets of ice etc…sometimes it is as simple as looking at what I have and being thankful; a view, the ability to do what I do, a day without rain, steam rising from a hot mug of something (I was very thankful for the nearly full length Patagonia down coat my kind husband bought for me this winter).  The scene was the same as every day, but I saw and appreciated what was there.  Sometimes something new needs to be dropped into “same”.  Say, a small mobile iPod speaker, now we are showered with inspiration as we kick balls from one side of the yard to the other; same was new.  I recently found it astounding that such a small thing as a new kind of tea can bring on a wide smile.
www.teavana.com
The soothing blend of rooibos tea and coconut drifting under my nose can take me mile after blissful mile down the road of boring.  Old made new because I choose to see blessings, I look, I behold what God is creating inside of me.  I might go my whole life without looking; observing with my body-soul-spirit what is really going on behind the curtain of my skin.




Today a Little Glitter in my gray, I got up early to work on this post and found our boy sitting up in bed with his entire library piled upon his brown bedspread with a Berenstine Bear book open before him as he worked through the stack; a change up from the confines of the usual; sitting on the floor and playing with his bin of stuffed animals.  Shine and a mom smile.

We Were Created with an inborn desire to make art; clean crazy creative, with our minds, with our eyes and our hands.  When we can’t read a book because we are tending; ear buds and an audio book work like magic.  When we can’t paint, or write…we study with our eyes, build stories in our head and take audio notes on our iPhone.  If we can’t bring culinary desires to fruition, we plan a gourmet meal in our head, lay out how the table will look with an antique table cloth, wooden candleholders and wheat grass as centerpiece and think…someday soon.  There are ways to enjoy redundant, there are always ways to enjoy life.

Open Wide the Eyes of Our Faces, of our hearts and minds.  I’d love to know what you come up with.  Creating and creativity of all kinds make me feel alive.

How the Flug Pooh did we make it to 31 years?

June 14, 1980….

We were clueless as to what was coming down the pike on that blissful day, June 14, 1980.

Fourteen years later, it got all tangled up.  We hit the knot of a special needs child-we'd hit the flung pooh years.  I wondered if we'd become a statistic, you know, one of the four out of five marriages with special children that ends in divorce.  We'd agreed that divorce was not in our marital vocabulary (I'm sure everyone agrees to that early on).  However, we never dreamed we'd have this very difficult mountain accent in our marital journey.  We thought, happily ever after, but "happily" we have found, is hard fought for.  Still, it was forever, for us…so 'slowly-by-slowly' (as my Ugandan friend Jaja would say), we fung shui'ed our flung pooh marriage (which wasn't really flung pooh'ed, necessarily, just high centered on autism).

The early years….

The latter middle years….(oh how I wish my belly still looked like that!)

The middle years….

A few years ago…and counting...

Tuesday we had seven hours of giddy freedom, nonfat lattes setting in the cup holders, backpacks and snacks loaded, we bombed down interstate five in "Ol' Silver, my Monero.  We were on our way to the Shasta Wilderness area to hike and picnic for our anniversary.  Zach was comfortable, at home, and in the capable hands of his reliable caregivers.  


With this blog in mind, I asked Web why he thought we'd made it thus far in our marriage.  We came up with wit (very important), grit, vision for the future and love that grows into the strong vine of commitment, with a little hill of hope and a molehill of maturity (the mountain I believe, is a desire to please God and the heart and head to know what that is).  We are committed to each other as best buddies, patriarch and matriarch of this family that we have helped to create, to stand beside the other through this tough go, so that the proverbial dream (Lord willing) of, "two rockers on the front porch, glass of lemonade and grandchild on the knee" becomes a reality. 

Sometimes, I'm sure we both want to run away, I have my days for sure, but thus far we haven't, for long anyway (a drive, a hike, or a bike ride and we're back at it).  We cry together, talk openly about our feelings and encourage each other to look on the positive side when we feel we can't go on, I mean, five all-nighters in a row is killer…but somehow, we keep going because, opting out, we feel, would be an assault against our mutual trust and love.  Everyone looses.  We would become one of the four out of five marriages in families with special needs that slide into the ditch…and besides, we’ve always liked bucking the odds.  Bottom line-we really like each other…and thinking back, no one said the words easy, but I sure thought it.

Anyway, back to our anniversary road trip…we bought ready made sandwiches from our local health food store, grabbed some kefir water, some fruit, chocolate bars and a bag of chips.  We jacked our jaws like a couple of old women.   The weather was in the 80’s for the first time this year, the moon roof on the car was open wide, the soundtrack to, The Horse Whisperer hummed us down the long winding country roads; on either side, pastures dotted with cattle and horses (the aroma of freshly mown hay...livestock manure…seriously, I could get high on country).

When we arrived at the Shasta Lavender Farms (mtshastalavenderfarms.com) we found that the lavender hadn't bloomed yet, ding-dong, we couldn't pick a bushel like we'd hoped, but we enjoyed our cup of lavender lemonade and a visit with the manager whom we found, also has four children, two with special needs.  Dear lord, there is always someone with a harder go.

The warm car, this nice quiet space with nothing pressing…we couldn't make a decision to save our lives.  Shasta was just so far away and the roads to get there…so off roads vehicle'ly.  We ate our sarnies on a concrete picnic table near Lake Shastina (we arrived at this rather stark picnic area via paved roads), packed up and came home, tucked Zach into bed, ate strawberry shortcake on the couch and watched a fun movie (Bottle Shock); laughed our heads off and went to bed satisfied with the life we've made of flung pooh (we decided, home is the best because that is where Zach is).  It was a good day, as many are.

Contentment is learned, I'm still being educated.  I had to open my eyes wide and take in the beauty of simple everyday things rather than closing them and wishing for things that could never be (I believe in biblical terms, this "wishing" is called "lusting", but lusting isn't as pretty a word as wishing).  Enjoy a few hours away from the pressing, an evening drive, or reading a Winnie The Pooh book to my nineteen-year-old, while I sip something delicious from a favorite mug.  White sheets drying on the line, or moving slowly with the sun as it sets, the soundtrack from Out Of Africa sparkles in the background.  My wide open eyes widen even further when I see Zach slip, what looks like the spine to one of my antique books under the crack in the door, it is in fact just that, he ripped another one :-/ and not only that, but found a good use for it he thinks (back and forth, under the door it slides).  This letting-go, this slowing down, it is healing for me, stress relieving, because in my world and most likely your's too, I live in the midst of feng shuied chaos.  Some days, the ability to breathe through, smile and look for the good, means the difference between withering, or blooming.  Let's face it, sometimes the good is hard pressed to find, but press in and you will find.

Simple Home, it certainly is where Zach prefers to be nowadays and because he is a treasure to us, we prefer to be here with him, most of the time.  It wasn't always that way.  A long time ago, we decided that if this was where we were going to hang, or be stuck, however we're looking at it that particular day, we'd make it as pleasant as possible; and we have.  A semblance of order, candles (I have a deep need for flickering) and soothing music (Zach seems to like my soundtracks), a big library (one can never have too many books, or soundtracks), a growing dvd collection to choose from, but our favorite thing is to take in our view, when time allows us to take a peek, we thank God for placing us high on a hill with a little space to breathe.  Home is, well, it's cozy-home and the landscaper/handyman (Web) is kind and really nice to look at :-) and I like the cook to (me).

Three pink recipes I came up with, which helped me work my way out of a gray day.

Lavender Lemonade
Fill pitcher half full with ice cubes
Pour 1 can organic frozen lemonade into pitcher, and make according to the directions except leave out one can of water, or you can squeeze your own and sweeten with organic maple syrup.
Steep 1 1/2 tablespoons of culinary lavender in 1/2 cup boiling water for 4 minutes, strain (push lavender buds into the strainer with the back of the spoon to get all of that good lavender flavor out, and add to your prepared lemonade.




Pink Rosemary Pate (gf)
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 lb organic chicken liver
Salt to taste (chicken liver can take the salt)

Sprinkle organic olive oil into a 9x13 glass baking dish, add 1 pound of organic chicken livers, salt well with kosher salt, or sea salt and bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes.  Let cool.

2, or 3 tablespoons coconut oil
1 small onion, diced
1 sprig of fresh rosemary
1 medium beet
2 large mushrooms (I used small portobello, enough to make 1/2 cup sliced)

On the stove top in a dutch oven, place 2, or 3 tablespoons of coconut oil, 1 small diced onion, clippings of 1 sprig of fresh rosemary (snip soft green tips with kitchen shears), 1/2 cup sliced fresh mushrooms and one medium beet diced into 1/2 inch cubes.  Cover and steep till tender, about 25 minutes.  Let cool slightly before adding to the blender with the cooked chicken livers, blend with 1/4 cup of melted organic butter till smooth.  Serve with rosemary parmesan flat bread, or rye crisp.  Simi sweet, savory spread.

Rhubarb Strawberry pie (not gluten free, but could easily be by substituting a gf flour of choice to your pastry recipe.  Zach doesn't eat pie (but doesn't have to be 100% gluten free) so we can make ours with wheat flour)  This recipe is from my mother's old Meta Givens Modern Encyclopedia of Cooking.  Published in 1947.  Not a lot of gluten, or dairy free recipes back then.

1 1/2 lb.  rhubarb (from 3 1/2 to 4 cups cut)
1 cup sugar
1 cup sliced strawberries
1/4 cup butter cut into pats for placing on top of the fruit before adding top crust (My mother's addition)
2 tablespoons quick-cooking tapioca
1/8 teaspoon salt
Pastry for 9-inch double crust pie
1 tablespoon butter

Wash rhubarb thoroughly, trim off leaf and stem ends and discard.  Cut stems into 3/4-inch length.  Combine sugar, tapioca (may also use 1/4 cup flour, or substitute corn starch for tapioca if you prefer) and salt, add the rhubarb and mix thoroughly.  Fit pastry into pie pan.  Turn rhubarb mixture into pastry-lined pan.  Roll out pastry for upper crust and cut a design for steam vents.  Brush edge of lower crust with cold water just before laying on top crust.  Lay upper crust over pie and press edges together to seal; trim off excess dough.  Let rest 10 minutes and flute rim as desired (my mom had a three finger flute that she taught me, but I've found that every baker does it differently).  Bake in hot oven (450 degrees F.) for 15 minutes, then reduce heat to 325 degrees F.  (moderately slow) and bake for 30 minutes longer, or until rhubarb is done. Serve warm or cold with whipped cream.

Coming soon; Supplements and natural remedies for the autistic that have worked for sleep, clarity and calming and allergy friendly cookies that hold together and taste great.