AUTISM AWARENESS DAY, un-feng-shui-ed

AUTISM AWARENESS DAY...It’s the end thereof.  Mommies and daddies all over the world spent twenty-four hours somewhat like this….

JUST BECAUSE-OR-MUST BECAUSE…

In honor of our son, Zachariah William who carries the torch of light and joy

IT IS MORE THAN "JUST" for Zach, it is “must”:  Thinking In Pictures, by Temple Grandin. Both the book and the movie shine an important and creative light into the world of Autism.  

ZACH HAS AN internal alarm clock (a groove not unlike the Mariana Trench located in his brain that wakes him between 1:30 and 3:00.  Time change, schmime change).  Those pesky must’s!  I slog down the stairs in my pj’s at 1:45 (Web and I alternate nights getting up with Zach, last night was my night to get up).  I make my way into Zach's room.  He’s out of bed playing with a bin full of stuffed toys, he’s stuck (stuck happens).  I wait…still waiting.  My back feels like a tight bungie, I lean over and grab the toys on the floor and toss them onto his bed then…after what seems like an hour, I lift the bin and place it on his bed (thinking out of sight…).  He stands wondering where his toys have gone (but he’s moving).  His sagging wet diaper is replaced with a nice dry one.  He and I schlep to the kitchen with his water cup.

ZACH flips toys across the carpet, I stare blankly he’s stuck again.  I keep saying, “water” to cue him, but it takes a while…finally, ten minutes later...we replace the water cup in the fridge door with the newly filled one.  He grabs the cold one….must because) then digs around in the silk leaves (he’s yanked off of my silk plant over the past two years), window clings and such that fill the metal sand bucket setting on the counter (it’s his special stash)…must because.  Were I not such a close observer of autism, I may say from afar, most of life is….just because.  However, I have concluded that from Zach’s compulsive nature, most of his obsessions are “must because's” for him.  So we grow patients, you know, those rare nerve endings that can take a licking and keep on ticking?  Yep, those tender whips.
He climbs back into bed; I’ve gotten his movie and computer up and running, I say goodnight and haul my goose fleshed body up the stairs and back to bed.



4:00, THE WORD “diaper” hits sleep dulled eardrums.  I feet-fumble-stumble down the stairs and into his room, his diaper is hugging his knees.  He wants it off.  The heavy insides do a back-flip to the floor.  I am so overly grossed out right now….., but there is no stopping him, and there’s a huge cow pie, aka “Zach-pie” on his clean rug!  He’s about to put his butt on his sheets, no time for medical gloves…darn those must’s, those must’s, those must’s!!  I grab a few wipes from the container beside his bed and do a quick swipe, good, but not good enough.  I don gloves, working quickly to clean him up, fit him to a new diaper and powder, lots of powder (all the while hoping the poop angel kept the sheets clean) and then….it’s the same routine as before, kitchen, water, dig in bucket, back to bed.  Poop angel fail….I wipe the bed with a handful of wipes… I’m not in the mood to change sheets at 4:am; his bed has been changed four times in the last four days.  He’s up for the day.  I am not.  He’s back in bed with cookies.  I'm back in bed fighting a hot flash and begging sleep to come.

Zach’s bed at 7:am after hours of playtime.

6:30, EXERCISE BIKE for interval training; Web has been out in his wood shop working since 4:00; Zach has every book from his bookshelf on his bed along with every ball from the closet and every stuffed animal from the bin that sets on his toy shelf.  His bed looks like the city dump (cleaner and smells better…today anyway).  I am reading, Save The Cat!, sweating profusely, hoping that the ride will pump my sleep heavy legs to life and that the read will glue my hinder parts to my desk chair.  I get coffee when I complete twenty grueling minutes!  Coffee!!!

7:00,  Coffee.  Wait, I meant, COFFEE!!!!

8:00, ...AND DAD BEGINS Zach’s morning routine.  Books are read, tickles are given (if Zach is in the mood to be tickled, otherwise…. “no-koko!").  Steam boils from the shower; towels, toothbrush ready, diaper and clothes set out…they are ducks in a pond; water everywhere: I draw, crush, and suck his meds and supplements into syringes and prepare his gluten, egg, dairy, peanut free breakfast.

Anti-seizure meds and supplements have to
be liquid.
Pill swallowing is a "mustn’t”.

8:20, I GIVE ZACH HIS MEDS, same place (near the kitchen sink), same position everyday, must because. His computer is moved to the table along with his toys.  Web sits at the table with him, shape toys, photo recognition, popsicle sticks in the slot….till Zach has had his fill.  Even more coffee.



8:45, ZACH EATS BREAKFAST on the sunken living room stairs (it’s his chosen place to eat his meals, except dinner which he takes on the kitchen floor).  Web and I have more coffee and engage in a quick conversation, “what are your plans today?”  “How are you feeling?”  I love you’s said and “Lets do lunch."

9:00 DIAPER change, whether he needs it or not, yep…must because.

9:10, OUTSIDE today we go directly to the yard to play kick-it (a game where multiple balls are kicked from one side of the yard to the other for hours sometimes).  He did not want to walk his trail today.  Sad.

New cup idea came to me yesterday.
It’s the tiniest things that bring a smile.
Jelly jar, plastic canning jar cap with a
hole drilled into the side. Insert straw.

Kick-it in the muddy yard.

9:30, INSIDE BRIEFLY for more balls and a drink of water.

10:00, INSIDE, YES, BRIEFLY for more balls and a drink of water.
It's Tuesday and from 10:00 to 2:00 we have respite; Aunt Linda.  I take a walk, get dressed and delve into this blog.

10:30, SNACK TIME for Zach.  He gets his cookies (Oatmeal) reads his books and Farm and Ranch magazines with Aunt Linda.  They snuggle on the couch and watch Sesame Street (oddly, I’m jealous, this is my favorite “Zach time").

11:30, LUNCH TIME, pork-turkey veggie loaf, apple, baby carrots and pickles.

12:00, walk down the love trail.  Back for another round of kick-it, or two, perhaps three…must because.

Zach waiting for mom to come read
"Aur-aur”.

2:30-3:30, BEDTIME routine.  We begin by hauling all the balls that have been taken outside for the day inside, two heaping buckets.  His computer goes back onto his nightstand, the movie, Homeward Bound is slipped into the dvd player, the blinds and curtains are closed, white noise turned on….every detail is checked, “must because”.  Zach removes his own shoes and socks and gets a drink of water.  He goes back to bed to remove his pants, drinks more water (which is always done in the kitchen…must because), back to the bedroom to get the toys he wants to sleep with and he climbs into bed pulls the covers up, grabs a book and waits for mom to come read.

Zach’s favorite page in The Tortoise and The Hare.  It’s all in the
 drawl…"weellll, Slim, do you want Jelly on
that peanut butter?” (you have to have
played the Living Books computer game to understand)

3:45, STORIES ARE READ (we’ve been reading the same stories for 17 years (The Tortoise and The Hare, Just Grandma and Me, Arthurs Teacher Trouble and a book of family photos. Today he chose all new books.  What’s with that?!  This is our time to lie together, talk about his day and we often do EFT (emotional freedom tapping).  He loves one particular side of his head tapped.  I adore this part of our day; I look forward to laying beside him, his soft hair up against my cheek as we read, laugh and connect telepathically, spiritually.  Serenity and peace (more precious than gold) fall heavy.

Dinner picnic style!

4:00 HE TOOK his dinner (in the hallway) outside of his room picnic style (this kid knows how to live!).

5:00, HE'S ASLEEP.  (Yes, we have tried putting him to bed later to see if he sleeps in a bit, but no).
Needless to say, it is now 8:30 and I’m thinking tea and horizontal.  Web and I, on a typical evening, will be found in bed yawning around 7:00, perhaps watching a movie, or reading with our ceramic buckets of rooibos tea.

(Common things this day didn’t include, a seizure and a loud meltdown; thankful!)

Ahhhhh, till 1:30 or 2:00….Good night!

OATMEAL COOKIES 3-6-9 OMEGA-FIBER SLAM!

THE BALANCING act of clean healthy food, supplements and patience is tough to feng shui.  As I mentioned in my last post, rigidity can throw a bucket of cold water on the need to create.

ABOUT THE TIME I am ready to pull my hair out from the simple human need to veer off the beaten path and begin to wish, cross fingers-legs-toes, pray and hope for any glimpse of new, it happens.  Mind you, it might not seem like much to the naked normal eye, but to the bulging eye of the primary care giver, any small movement outside of the worn through; it’s really quite significant.

THREE MONTHS AGO Zach stopped taking his walks down his Love Trail (we’re not very happy about this detour).  At first I thought maybe it was just a one week modification to his deep rut brought on by, perhaps, the fact that he didn’t feel well.  Three months down this different road, I’m beginning to wonder.  No amount of coaxing can get him to run that trail daily!  But hey, he’s made a choice on his own and is sticking to it.  That’s sorta cool, sort of grown up of him don’t you think?

OTHER CHANGES, a month, or so ago now he put himself on a fast for three days, no water, no food.  No fever, no tooth issues (as best we can tell), or mouth sores.  We’re still stumped by that fast, but luckily, he is back on track with eating and drinking (though from different cups; they are glass, easy to wash and he gets more water.  This is good).  Since the time change, he has not “forwarded” his sleeping as we’d hoped and prayed, begged and pleaded, instead, he has back-warded it; rather than sliding into the new time and rising at 4:00 a.m. from his old 3:00 a.m. roust, he is chirping at 1:30.  Seriously?  And, is he a VEGAN?  His love of meat on his plate his waning.  What’s that about?  He’s been leaving the meat.  He rarely leaves a crumb.  There are digestive issues that no amount of pre, or probiotics, enzymes, etc seem to help with, so perhaps that might be the culprit.  Still, what do I do…?

FOR STARTERS-A CONCOCTION, A REVISION…3-6-9, it’s a cookie, but not just any cookie.  It’s easy to make, but this cookie; it just might change your life.  We’re a few weeks into this…stay tuned for more.

IF YOU FIND IT DIFFICULT to get your child to take their supplements and eat enough to get their much needed fiber and omegas, here’s a sneaky twist.  I’ve posted an oatmeal cookie recipe in earlier blogs and though it is a healthy treat (for the most part, minus the sweetener) this is a modification to that adored old friend, The Gluten Free Oatmeal Cookie.

I CALL IT Oatmeal Cookie 3-6-9:  Chai seeds, flax meal, hemp seeds, coconut and pasture butter combined with a healthy array of gluten free, egg free and peanut free ingredients give us our omegas, fiber and other benefits in a delicious cookie.  He loves them!  So do I.

THE FOOD ISSUE, WELL, THAT seems solved.  Now if I could just come up with a sleep inducing cookie and instant exercise powder we’d have this caregiver thing wrapped and could market it in cellophane baggie.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

In a glass measuring cup add
9 tbls spoons warm water
3 tbls chia seeds
1 tsp organic vanilla
1 cup raisins
soak all for 1 hour

In the mixing bowl combine (I use a KitchenAid Pro 6)
1 cup softened pasture butter (even if your child is dairy free, pasture butter should not bother them)
1 cup coconut palm sugar and either
1 cup brown sugar, or 3/4 cup honey
1/3 cup flax meal
1/3 cup hulled hemp seeds
1/3 cup unsweetened shredded coconut
2 1/2 cups gluten free flour (I like Namaste Perfect Blend)
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
2 tsp soda
2 cups oatmeal
1/2 cup dried cranberries, or raisins (optional)
3/4 cups chopped pecans, or walnuts (optional)
*may add more water, teaspoon by teaspoon till the dough is playable and feels somewhat sticky.

Drop heaping tablespoon of dough onto parchment lined baking sheet.  Bake for 10-12 minutes, remove from cookie sheet after they have cooled for 5 minutes.  They may be frozen, or refrigerated (if there are any left at the end of the day).  Makes 4 dozen cookies.

Feng Shui Redundancy, The Same Day Over and Over and….

Redundancy by its very nature negates creativity.  Is it even possible to live creatively, when we are stuck within the stifling walls of the same structure, a life-time of Groundhog’s Day (the comedy with Bill Murray) because someone we love, someone we care for has a malady and must live his/her life within the confines of obsessiveness and compulsivity?

Daily We Are Handed the Same Experience:  The list goes here.  It is the same every day.  How can we be made new in all this oldness; have sparkle and shine?  It has been said many times to those who care for loved ones, 'You have to have a life; you deserve a life.’  I understand the remark, but I do have a life.  Ultimately, we all need to iron out the life we’ve been given, not fear what may happen, or want a different life for a loved one faced with caregiving.  It’s true that sometimes my life feels confining, less free than I’d like, but that is only an illusion.  I am as free as anyone.  Freedom doesn’t always include mobility.  Freedom isn’t the ability to do what you want, it is the ability to do what’s right.

Most days I love my life and wouldn’t want any other and I find it extremely purposeful and artful…and free.   I have learned to love my life and the Life Giver.

This Ground Hog’s Day (the movie) existence has been my reality for nigh on seventeen years now and like Bill Murray’s character, I have figured out a thing or two, I am still excited when something new presents itself no matter how small; a new way to enjoy the same old thing because….this is my life:  Groundhog’s Day'ish.  My eyes look for ways to add color to the gray of redundancy.  We can be swooshed right into a new day, a new time when we look through open-thankful eyes.  The situation stays the same, I change, sometimes the situation changes, but always, we should remain playable to being transformed into the new creation God envisioned when He began re-creating us in that, “look with your whole being (behold)! all things become new”, way.  This isn’t just a nice saying, I have found this to be a living truth.

For Instance, two days ago my son and I were outside playing in the frosty yard, as we do every day rain, snow, sheets of ice etc…sometimes it is as simple as looking at what I have and being thankful; a view, the ability to do what I do, a day without rain, steam rising from a hot mug of something (I was very thankful for the nearly full length Patagonia down coat my kind husband bought for me this winter).  The scene was the same as every day, but I saw and appreciated what was there.  Sometimes something new needs to be dropped into “same”.  Say, a small mobile iPod speaker, now we are showered with inspiration as we kick balls from one side of the yard to the other; same was new.  I recently found it astounding that such a small thing as a new kind of tea can bring on a wide smile.
www.teavana.com
The soothing blend of rooibos tea and coconut drifting under my nose can take me mile after blissful mile down the road of boring.  Old made new because I choose to see blessings, I look, I behold what God is creating inside of me.  I might go my whole life without looking; observing with my body-soul-spirit what is really going on behind the curtain of my skin.




Today a Little Glitter in my gray, I got up early to work on this post and found our boy sitting up in bed with his entire library piled upon his brown bedspread with a Berenstine Bear book open before him as he worked through the stack; a change up from the confines of the usual; sitting on the floor and playing with his bin of stuffed animals.  Shine and a mom smile.

We Were Created with an inborn desire to make art; clean crazy creative, with our minds, with our eyes and our hands.  When we can’t read a book because we are tending; ear buds and an audio book work like magic.  When we can’t paint, or write…we study with our eyes, build stories in our head and take audio notes on our iPhone.  If we can’t bring culinary desires to fruition, we plan a gourmet meal in our head, lay out how the table will look with an antique table cloth, wooden candleholders and wheat grass as centerpiece and think…someday soon.  There are ways to enjoy redundant, there are always ways to enjoy life.

Open Wide the Eyes of Our Faces, of our hearts and minds.  I’d love to know what you come up with.  Creating and creativity of all kinds make me feel alive.

HOW TO FENG SHUI FLYING SOLO-WHAT A DAY LOOKS LIKE WHEN DAD IS AWAY

THREE DAYS WITHOUT DAD-WHAT’LL WE DO?  FENG SHUI—!

Zach stuck on the stairs with two of
his favorite kick-it balls

Dad just left.  The house is quiet.  Zach has had three seizures these past two days.  The huge bug eyed monster of “alone” is staring back at me; a bit intimidating.  Zach is stuck and confused, he’s setting on the stairs, it’s almost 1:00 p.m. and he just finished his breakfast; no walk today, no kick it either.  Mom has had no breakfast save three cups of coffee and one jasmine pearl green tea.   Lunch thus far, a handful of sunflower seeds and a banana...

I anticipate this will be an uneventful day, but I’ve imagined that before and things happen; unexpected interruptions and Zach’isms no amount of planning can accommodate.

What I’d like to do; get a cup of tea, read and study, write, watch a movie, concoct some gooey gourmet food, eat chocolate and ice cream, curl up on the couch for a nap, take a nice slow walk in the sunshine and go directly to bed with a good book…Life, on the other hand, has asked me to care for the “least of these” as though he were Christ himself.  This time, I will choose Life rather than be self indulgent; I can care for me in the midst of life lived abundantly.

…An hour later….My gourmet lunch today…it came to consists of cold raw milk poured over Nature’s Path Heritage Flakes.  Rather than hunching over the counter and jamming soup spoonful after scoop into my mouth, I sat at the kitchen bar and ate like a normal person, albeit somewhat ravenously and with milk dripping off the end of my chin.  I had to stop myself, an entire half-gallon of raw milk, as well as a newly opened box of cereal almost vanished...

…At 2:00 p.m., Zach is beginning his bedtime routine.  He, with his very sleepy eyes, is covered up in his freshly changed double bed with a plastic container of foam numbers and letters open before him.  He goes through this routine every night picking just the right number, shape or letter’s to take to bed with him.  Tonight he has reclined to do this very important chore that is usually done hanging off the side of the bed.  Apparently his energy level is on par with mine; not high enough to lean, or hunch.

I will go in and read Zach his bedtime stories soon, he may, or may not finish his very early dinner, watch a movie in bed and fall asleep.  I presume my evening will follow this pattern very closely; although, after consuming such large amounts of cereal, my early dinner may be popcorn popped in coconut oil, topped with sea salt and a fresh, high quality (light-yellow in color) brewers yeast along with…perhaps a few ounces of dark chocolate.

The soundtrack to Anne Of Green Gables is tinkling in the background-I stand at my front door and gaze across our very warm valley on this September day where Extreme Home Makeover is wrapping up yet another marvelous projects for a family in our area with not one, but two biological autistic children, the McPhails.  Now that is some serious feng shui!  I sigh holding my mug of tea, there is a lot of good out there as well as in here.  We are not alone and really nice things happen to brighten life here and there.  A cup of tea, a view and a comfy chair go along way in my world.

After Zach falls asleep, I’d like to think that I will put on my grandmother’s apron and toss together some random ingredients and make myself a "fun healthy for me" meal, pour myself a small glass of wine and treat myself to a quiet simple dish eaten in reflection and solitude and then (if it was tasty) I would post the recipe with this blog.  We’ll see.  I laid awake for three hours last night (raging hot flashes) and then at 1:30 a.m. tended a very post-ictal young man.  I wish I were bionic, but alas, I am wrapped in real flesh with warm blood coursing through my veins.  I pat my, full of Heritage Flakes belly, bed I think won’t come fast enough...

…Three hours later, Zach slid out of bed and is setting on the kitchen floor with his untouched supper, his water cup and the foam toys he picked out; enter the unexpected…he is stuck…will he eat, will bedtime ever come?  Will I get that quiet house ‘er?

6:00 p.m., I hear little rabbit nibbling sounds behind the butcher block…hope springs!…

Fast rabbit, 6:15 he’s done eating.  It’s finally quiet; wish Web were here to enjoy the sunset and a glass of riesling with me.  Pj’s, glasses perched on nose, iced rooibos tea and some reading it is!

Day two…Zach slept till 4:40 a.m., this is a very good miracle!  So it wasn’t 6:00 a.m., it was better than the normal 2:30 a.m.  *I feel rested-I feel good-I feel ready to care as I should*.  The fuel behind this happy dance is that I’m aware how I feel most days.  Thank the living Life for gracing our night with much needed sleep!  Shower for Zach (though I am still in my pj's), meds and supplements in Zach (though my supplements lay on the counter), breakfast made for Zach (no breakie for mom), coffee into me….toy time!

Whatever this day holds, I’m ready to do my part, as Web/Dad teaches a group at Sun River about the powerful meaning of christian marriage.  Thus far the buzz is, it has been well received and just what the body needs to hear.

2:00 p.m.-One hour to the Extreme Home Makeovers “Move That Bus!”  How wonderful for this deserving family!!

3:00 p.m. and they’ve most likely “moved that bus”.  I think I can hear the cheering and tears from my hilltop; perhaps just in Spirit.  Go McPhails!!  Bedtime for Zach.  Those seizures can take a lot out of a young man.  Mom is going to study and write; maybe post this blog.

Second day Foodie in the kitchen, while Zach snores on the couch for two hours.

Southwest Chicken Dip

4 chicken breasts cooled, cooked and shredded, or chopped

1 tsp kosher salt

1/2 cup chopped cilantro

4 green onions chopped

1/2 sweet white onion

1 avocado chopped finely

1 4oz can diced green chilies

1 4oz can shoepeg corn

1 4 oz can mexican corn (or for the canned corn, cut corn off of three ears roasted corn[leave husks in tact, soak ears in a large tub of cold water for 2-6 hours, roast in husk on barbecue.  Peal and cut the corn off of the cob])

DRESSING

1/3 cup soy free Veganaise

1 Lime, juiced

1/2 lemon juiced

dash of cumin

Mix together and serve with gluten free Beanitos corn free chips.  Makes a great light summer meal.

Tomorrow marks day three; four hours of respite, but….oh dear...I have a routine mamo, what an awful way to spend blessed respite hours, but alas it must be done and ’tis better done without a twenty-year-old autistic in tow.  Dad will be home tomorrow!!  I think we did this!


OPTIMALLY WHEN GOING IT ALONE, MY FENG SHUI’ED DESIRES LOOK SOMETHING LIKE THIS—

Kick-it

There would be no seizures.  And one of the days, we would have a long stint of respite care.  I’d call ahead and book myself an hour long massage and a pedicure at spa and schedule lunch at the Dragonfly with my sisters, or a friend.  I would have saved enough money to go to my favorite used clothing store, Avant Garb in Ashland-just to look, or maybe I’d find that desired thing-a pair of black cowgirl boots with flair-then I’d loop my purse over my shoulder and lolly-gag along the streets of the very picturesque pre-autumn sun-filled Ashland, Oregon, with a cup of joe from Noble Coffee.

Zach on his run/walk

chair time

Zach would be happily playing kick-it in the yard with one of his lovely respite care givers.  They would fix him his favorite noon meal (organic hot dogs, pickles and organic strawberries and a banana), take him for his midday walk/run and play toy-toys with him on the couch and read, Winnie The Pooh and Tigger Too, his favorite book.  He would be clapping, bouncing like Tigger and wearing a smile from ear to ear all day long.

After a quick trip to the Ashland Food Coop to snatch up a few of my favorite items, chocolate, salami and cheese, a nice red wine and perhaps a warm freshly baked baguette to go with.  Zach would welcome me home happily and I, I would be glad to be home on our quiet hilltop.  He and I would have some time to play in the yard, me with my sparkling lemonade, before the onset of his bedtime routine.  I’d fix dinner for him and place it on the plate prettily, put him to bed, give him the royal treatment; movie, dinner in bed, books read, a good melon scratch and some time beside him on the pillow, head to head-love pouring from one noggin to the other.

Everyone should have a tea set and a
teatime, or two in their day.

I’d click my ruby red slippers and soothing music would begin, maybe a little Jack Johnson, pour a little boysenberry iced tea into a pretty cup, or perhaps some wine, arrange my, no doubt, colorful dinner on a white stoneware plate while doing a little jig, put on a good chick-flick, or pick up a good book, perhaps thee Good Book and curl up on my very soft brown couch and enjoy a spot of serenity.  I’d hear Zach snoring softly in the monitor.  The house would be very quiet; I’d lock it up and wander up the stairs, climb between two white line dried cotton sheets and Zach and I would sleep till 6:00am without waking.


Feng Shui, what it boils down to-making the best of what we have; we scoot unpleasant out the door and replace it with helpful and pleasant and with the mind, we turn all happenings around till we find the good spot.  Happy’er life!

Coming soon, In Pictures-One Week Feng Shui’ed-Our Family Vacation and a Big Ol’ Mountain Wedding and right on those high heels, The Healing Laughter of Sister Time.

How the Flug Pooh did we make it to 31 years?

June 14, 1980….

We were clueless as to what was coming down the pike on that blissful day, June 14, 1980.

Fourteen years later, it got all tangled up.  We hit the knot of a special needs child-we'd hit the flung pooh years.  I wondered if we'd become a statistic, you know, one of the four out of five marriages with special children that ends in divorce.  We'd agreed that divorce was not in our marital vocabulary (I'm sure everyone agrees to that early on).  However, we never dreamed we'd have this very difficult mountain accent in our marital journey.  We thought, happily ever after, but "happily" we have found, is hard fought for.  Still, it was forever, for us…so 'slowly-by-slowly' (as my Ugandan friend Jaja would say), we fung shui'ed our flung pooh marriage (which wasn't really flung pooh'ed, necessarily, just high centered on autism).

The early years….

The latter middle years….(oh how I wish my belly still looked like that!)

The middle years….

A few years ago…and counting...

Tuesday we had seven hours of giddy freedom, nonfat lattes setting in the cup holders, backpacks and snacks loaded, we bombed down interstate five in "Ol' Silver, my Monero.  We were on our way to the Shasta Wilderness area to hike and picnic for our anniversary.  Zach was comfortable, at home, and in the capable hands of his reliable caregivers.  


With this blog in mind, I asked Web why he thought we'd made it thus far in our marriage.  We came up with wit (very important), grit, vision for the future and love that grows into the strong vine of commitment, with a little hill of hope and a molehill of maturity (the mountain I believe, is a desire to please God and the heart and head to know what that is).  We are committed to each other as best buddies, patriarch and matriarch of this family that we have helped to create, to stand beside the other through this tough go, so that the proverbial dream (Lord willing) of, "two rockers on the front porch, glass of lemonade and grandchild on the knee" becomes a reality. 

Sometimes, I'm sure we both want to run away, I have my days for sure, but thus far we haven't, for long anyway (a drive, a hike, or a bike ride and we're back at it).  We cry together, talk openly about our feelings and encourage each other to look on the positive side when we feel we can't go on, I mean, five all-nighters in a row is killer…but somehow, we keep going because, opting out, we feel, would be an assault against our mutual trust and love.  Everyone looses.  We would become one of the four out of five marriages in families with special needs that slide into the ditch…and besides, we’ve always liked bucking the odds.  Bottom line-we really like each other…and thinking back, no one said the words easy, but I sure thought it.

Anyway, back to our anniversary road trip…we bought ready made sandwiches from our local health food store, grabbed some kefir water, some fruit, chocolate bars and a bag of chips.  We jacked our jaws like a couple of old women.   The weather was in the 80’s for the first time this year, the moon roof on the car was open wide, the soundtrack to, The Horse Whisperer hummed us down the long winding country roads; on either side, pastures dotted with cattle and horses (the aroma of freshly mown hay...livestock manure…seriously, I could get high on country).

When we arrived at the Shasta Lavender Farms (mtshastalavenderfarms.com) we found that the lavender hadn't bloomed yet, ding-dong, we couldn't pick a bushel like we'd hoped, but we enjoyed our cup of lavender lemonade and a visit with the manager whom we found, also has four children, two with special needs.  Dear lord, there is always someone with a harder go.

The warm car, this nice quiet space with nothing pressing…we couldn't make a decision to save our lives.  Shasta was just so far away and the roads to get there…so off roads vehicle'ly.  We ate our sarnies on a concrete picnic table near Lake Shastina (we arrived at this rather stark picnic area via paved roads), packed up and came home, tucked Zach into bed, ate strawberry shortcake on the couch and watched a fun movie (Bottle Shock); laughed our heads off and went to bed satisfied with the life we've made of flung pooh (we decided, home is the best because that is where Zach is).  It was a good day, as many are.

Contentment is learned, I'm still being educated.  I had to open my eyes wide and take in the beauty of simple everyday things rather than closing them and wishing for things that could never be (I believe in biblical terms, this "wishing" is called "lusting", but lusting isn't as pretty a word as wishing).  Enjoy a few hours away from the pressing, an evening drive, or reading a Winnie The Pooh book to my nineteen-year-old, while I sip something delicious from a favorite mug.  White sheets drying on the line, or moving slowly with the sun as it sets, the soundtrack from Out Of Africa sparkles in the background.  My wide open eyes widen even further when I see Zach slip, what looks like the spine to one of my antique books under the crack in the door, it is in fact just that, he ripped another one :-/ and not only that, but found a good use for it he thinks (back and forth, under the door it slides).  This letting-go, this slowing down, it is healing for me, stress relieving, because in my world and most likely your's too, I live in the midst of feng shuied chaos.  Some days, the ability to breathe through, smile and look for the good, means the difference between withering, or blooming.  Let's face it, sometimes the good is hard pressed to find, but press in and you will find.

Simple Home, it certainly is where Zach prefers to be nowadays and because he is a treasure to us, we prefer to be here with him, most of the time.  It wasn't always that way.  A long time ago, we decided that if this was where we were going to hang, or be stuck, however we're looking at it that particular day, we'd make it as pleasant as possible; and we have.  A semblance of order, candles (I have a deep need for flickering) and soothing music (Zach seems to like my soundtracks), a big library (one can never have too many books, or soundtracks), a growing dvd collection to choose from, but our favorite thing is to take in our view, when time allows us to take a peek, we thank God for placing us high on a hill with a little space to breathe.  Home is, well, it's cozy-home and the landscaper/handyman (Web) is kind and really nice to look at :-) and I like the cook to (me).

Three pink recipes I came up with, which helped me work my way out of a gray day.

Lavender Lemonade
Fill pitcher half full with ice cubes
Pour 1 can organic frozen lemonade into pitcher, and make according to the directions except leave out one can of water, or you can squeeze your own and sweeten with organic maple syrup.
Steep 1 1/2 tablespoons of culinary lavender in 1/2 cup boiling water for 4 minutes, strain (push lavender buds into the strainer with the back of the spoon to get all of that good lavender flavor out, and add to your prepared lemonade.




Pink Rosemary Pate (gf)
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 lb organic chicken liver
Salt to taste (chicken liver can take the salt)

Sprinkle organic olive oil into a 9x13 glass baking dish, add 1 pound of organic chicken livers, salt well with kosher salt, or sea salt and bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes.  Let cool.

2, or 3 tablespoons coconut oil
1 small onion, diced
1 sprig of fresh rosemary
1 medium beet
2 large mushrooms (I used small portobello, enough to make 1/2 cup sliced)

On the stove top in a dutch oven, place 2, or 3 tablespoons of coconut oil, 1 small diced onion, clippings of 1 sprig of fresh rosemary (snip soft green tips with kitchen shears), 1/2 cup sliced fresh mushrooms and one medium beet diced into 1/2 inch cubes.  Cover and steep till tender, about 25 minutes.  Let cool slightly before adding to the blender with the cooked chicken livers, blend with 1/4 cup of melted organic butter till smooth.  Serve with rosemary parmesan flat bread, or rye crisp.  Simi sweet, savory spread.

Rhubarb Strawberry pie (not gluten free, but could easily be by substituting a gf flour of choice to your pastry recipe.  Zach doesn't eat pie (but doesn't have to be 100% gluten free) so we can make ours with wheat flour)  This recipe is from my mother's old Meta Givens Modern Encyclopedia of Cooking.  Published in 1947.  Not a lot of gluten, or dairy free recipes back then.

1 1/2 lb.  rhubarb (from 3 1/2 to 4 cups cut)
1 cup sugar
1 cup sliced strawberries
1/4 cup butter cut into pats for placing on top of the fruit before adding top crust (My mother's addition)
2 tablespoons quick-cooking tapioca
1/8 teaspoon salt
Pastry for 9-inch double crust pie
1 tablespoon butter

Wash rhubarb thoroughly, trim off leaf and stem ends and discard.  Cut stems into 3/4-inch length.  Combine sugar, tapioca (may also use 1/4 cup flour, or substitute corn starch for tapioca if you prefer) and salt, add the rhubarb and mix thoroughly.  Fit pastry into pie pan.  Turn rhubarb mixture into pastry-lined pan.  Roll out pastry for upper crust and cut a design for steam vents.  Brush edge of lower crust with cold water just before laying on top crust.  Lay upper crust over pie and press edges together to seal; trim off excess dough.  Let rest 10 minutes and flute rim as desired (my mom had a three finger flute that she taught me, but I've found that every baker does it differently).  Bake in hot oven (450 degrees F.) for 15 minutes, then reduce heat to 325 degrees F.  (moderately slow) and bake for 30 minutes longer, or until rhubarb is done. Serve warm or cold with whipped cream.

Coming soon; Supplements and natural remedies for the autistic that have worked for sleep, clarity and calming and allergy friendly cookies that hold together and taste great.