THE SOUL, A CAREGIVER’S VIGOR

IN THIS REEL OF THREE, NUMBER TWO IS DEDICATED TO YOUR SOUL.  YES.  THE AMAZING YOU!

Quickly…two updates from past blogs:

Taken 2/5/13

NUMBER ONE update comes to you from my last post, A Caregiver’s Vigor…day 40 is here!  Stats, Web’s energy level is high, his RA is under control (without pharmaceuticals) and he has lost nearly 24 pounds!  Real, organic raw food is his new medication.  We have added small amounts of protein along with freshly made juice for at least one meal a day, preferably two if time allows.  We are in this for life.  It really has been a Godsend for Web’s illness.  And I have benefited as well.  My weight has leveled out and I continue to feel bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, yes, this saying comes direct to you from my lovely mother.

NUMBER TWO update comes from, Beginning A New Journey blog posted September 2012.
Are we moving?

It appears not.  We have been offered a position here in the valley (announcement coming soon) and are happy to tell you, ourselves and mostly Zach that for the time being, we get to stay on our very favorite hilltop and in our beloved emerald valley!  Hip-hip-horray!

HAVE YOU EVER ASKED, FATHER, “Who am I and why am I here?”  What an enchanting and lovely dialogue it will spurn between you and He!

I enjoy the culinary arts…

lavender is my favorite flower…

I enjoy photography and
worshiping with my whole life…(Isreal, 1999).

My family, I love them all so much it hurts….

THESE ARE THINGS I enjoy and love, but they are not the whole of me.  I am not sure we ever know ourselves entirely (I think that is in the bible somewhere), but we can know in part when we ask the One who created us, and look on, if you will, as He peels away the layers of our complex being.  I know He is smiling big with delight every second of our “big reveal”.  

Having said that, a part of who we are, and why we are here is tangled up in our loves and enjoyments, gifts and talents.  Some of our whole belongs to the spaces that fill the gaps between verve; the tears, the yawns (I love a good yawn, don’t you?), the prayers, hand holding and smiles.  Our humanity, it is part of who we are for now, so make friends with it; yes, love it if you can.  

I SUPPOSE I HAVE WONDERED who I am and why I am here for a good part of my life.  Strange as it sounds, I wasn’t aware that I could ask God why He made me, or who He made me.  I thought that would be considered impertinent.  I have learned that as a child of, God no question is impertinent.  Ask what you will.  You will not find a more gracious Teacher, Friend, or Father.  It is a beautiful journey to begin.  

A SMALL SNIPPET OF MY STORY:  One remembrance continues to come to mind often, why I don’t know, but perhaps it is because Father hammered the memory steadfastly to my soul at age eleven, so that He might show me something profound at age fifty-five.

I was in grammar school, probably around the sixth grade.  I sat on the cold dark green seat of the long yellow fuselage shaped school bus and prepared for the fourth-five minute daily drive to the town where I went to school.  I stared out the small rectangular shaped window allocated to my setting, as we careened down hill, over dale and zipped along treelined country roads.  As my body dipped, popped and leaned with the movement of the large machine, I dreamed, I thought and I prayed as was my custom.  

I prayed especially hard that day, as I stared out of the window with tears burning my eleven-year-old eyes, I asked God to change me.  I wanted to wake up bubbly, funny and smart, like Susan (not her real name).  Susan had long shiny hair, sparkly eyes and her personality drew people to her like wild flowers reaching for the sun.  I just wanted to be someone others would like to hang with and appreciate, well, in a nut shell, I wanted to be popular; I was anything but.  My roots were country (that is a good thing, but in a town school…not so much) and I was the third of six children, poor as can be and insanely insecure.  I didn’t like me when compared to the popular girls.  I’d stare longingly at them, carefully, so that I might emulate, and I’d feel my lack, like a non-personality, overlooked and sometimes unappreciated.  I would never be one of them.

HE DIDN’T answer the way I thought He would, with instant change and all that.  I thank Him for that.  
I’m sure Father smiled as He listened, He always listens, but…well…He had formed me; inside and out, larger than normal nose and all, given me all sorts of unique seeds of potential because…as He stared lovingly at His child, at what He had designed, He said, “I did good” (paraphrase mine).  He longed to watch me unfurl into all I could be and I wasn’t to be like Susan at all, but rather, fully Karen.  He created little ol’ me, he loved, Karen Ekstrom-Staunton, born in July of 1957, shy and demure, dreamer and meditator and thinker on things too deep for me to understand, the mysterious and the everyday.  Yes, the one who thought herself boring and invisible was/is loved and hovered over by, Father. 

No person in all of eternity would, or could be the Karen Ekstrom-Staunton, plus Jesus mix He wished to bring to earth….so He hovers, watching….to draw only those in this time that We together would draw….He hovers….no one would love my husband, my children as I could; He hovers, he watches intently as though there were a web cam following me everywhere I go, not to spy, but to love, to breath the best out of Himself towards His child.  
I now love, Karen Ekstrom-Staunton and I don’t pray to be changed.  I pray for transformation, yes.  But that is quite a different prayer than to pray my very being be changed into someone else (but that was the heart of a hurting child and I know He knew and used it, otherwise, why would I remember such a small blip of my life?).  

As I yield, He has been and continues to transform the, selfish me (I can be quite self absorbed).  This is simply proper Kingdom etiquette and though some of us may bristle at the words, proper and etiquette, I have learned that there are Kingdom standards that require transformation (a very multifaceted word).  I find it to be a mysteriously full of life and that it brings out the real powerful me.  Our original selves, untransformed, they would function sloppily in the Kingdom where justice rules and if I do say so, even in this present selfishly slanted world. 

*A transformed person, is simply a justified, adjusted soul in order that one might function fully in the Kingdom and into, Jesus’s likeness.  It requires a new heart and a tamed mind.    

AS CAREGIVERS, most of us know we are to grow and learn how to serve those entrusted to our care.
 But sometimes who we are can get lost in all the giving.  Really real is the deal.  If I am having a bad day, I should not act like all is well.  No fake plastered on smiles will do here.  I quote, “learn to smile from your liver”.  To me, this means to hunger and fill yourself with all that is God.  Then, no good thing will be withheld from you.  It might take some sitting at, The Feet, some meditating and some prayer.

Dancing at a wedding

DO I HAVE THE drive, or more appropriately in the caregiver’s world, the energy to live a crazy energetic *abundant, life?  I try to.  My previous post about the body states how I try to maintain a balanced triune being, body, soul and spirit.  And for me, for the most part, I do live a vibrant life, but I don’t always have the energy to dance a jig.  There are times when my creative life is setting on the couch after Zach is in bed, I light a candle, I make a cup of hot tea and pop in a favorite movie; usually I “watch” the flick with my eyes closed.  Exciting ay?

I try to carry verve inside of the constricting walls of caregiving and outside of those walls as well?  That life brought forth will look different in each household.  I believe we are purposefully created to happen wonderfully in our world, whatever that world looks like.

HOW OTHERS SEE ME is partly who I am also.  I am not sure all see me the same, but still, I know this to be a truth.  Behavior modification for the sake of being liked, outside of being real, is not who I am; as a christian that is called false piety.  False piety evokes in me the vision a pompous prig.  I try not to be this!  Not a pretty sight, nor much fun to be around.  The eyes and hearts of others know what is real and what is fake.

IN CLOSING, I, KAREN was given a feminine soul and placed inside of a woman’s body.  The feminine soul is a side of Father that compliments the male side, both are equal.  There is nothing about God that is less important than the other, all are needed to show the fullness of God.  My spirit is neither male, nor female and when I get to Heaven, to quote Jesus loosely, I will not be a sexual being, but like the angels.  I will be a transformed me, but me, in relationship with Father as He pleases and others; me the one who loves to nurture, who likes order and beauty, the culinary arts and creating by seeing through the lens of  a camera and writing with words on paper, I love old books, the smell of libraries, etc.    

Will I cook with Father in Heaven?  Might I be a part of the kitchen staff at the Marriage Supper?  Will a photographer be needed at that highly creative event?  Might I be involved in the decorating of the tables?  I wonder…..but here, in this life as a woman, showing the feminine side of God; am I using my gifts, am I being knit into the Karen-Jesus He intended?  Do I re-present Him well and am I at ease (“My yoke is easy…”) being His uniquely created being?

WHO WE ARE IS HIGHLY COMPLEX and dare I say, much like an iceberg.  It is partly who you know yourself to be, partly who others see you to be (listen and learn) and partly who you will come to be, this is the tip of the iceberg.  Partly we are the part of the iceberg under the water; the mystery.  
If we leave off our selfishness, not our personalities, our big bold beautiful selves will have more room to move about.
He broke the mold after creating you and I.  There will never be another, _________ created throughout all of eternity.  So love Him deeply for that, and so much more and appreciate who you are, value yourself, learn to love yourself and in this you will love others. 

Reading recommendations:

Who Switched off My Brain, by Dr. Caroline Leaf, The Art of Being You, by Bob Kilpatrick, and if you are an artistic soul, Walking on Water, by Madeline L’Engle.

REFLECT

CUPPA JOE, LEAN IN, BREATHE AND MEDITATE

A CAREGIVER’S VIGOR

MY NEXT POSTS ARE DEDICATED TO THOSE WHO GIVE HARD TO THOSE WHO NEED THEM

OUR WELL BEING DICTATES, NOT ONLY OUR QUALITY OF LIFE, BUT ALSO, THAT OF THOSE WE SERVE

Love my angel boy

SEVENTEEN YEARS ITS BEEN that I’ve been awakened by sounds emitting from Zach’s room, either a seizure, a rapid barrage of his funny words, or the click-click…click of a light switch.  I know my day will include a good measure of care giving, self discipline and selflessness as my aching feet hit the wooly floor.  Sometimes, what I’d like, is to pamper myself the way I pamper my son.  It is easier now than it used to be, but there are times that are harder than others especially when my health comes up short in one area, be it a lethargic spirit, a shadow over the soul, or an imbalance in body.

My lovely Mama and I

I HAVE QUOTED 
MY MAMA in the past, her wisdom comes to remembrance when I need it most.  Pointy hammering forefinger and all, “If you don’t take care of yourself, you may not be able to care for those you love and wouldn’t that be a shame.”  So for the most part and as much as possible, I have heeded those wise words.  I have eaten well to the best of my knowledge at any given time, I have exercised nearly every day of my adult life and tended my mind and spirit to the same standard.  At the ripe old age of fifty-five, I have learned a thing, or two, yes, just a thing, or two.


WHAT WOMAN, OR MAN who is the primary care giver to a helpless child, or adult doesn’t need, and want a goodly amount of health across their triune being; spirit, soul and body to get the job done well?


I’VE LEARNED TO TAKE IT EASY ON MYSELF, to enjoy Him and those around me, but know, wrong attitudes, thoughts and endless food input can wreck havoc in a scope otherwise meant for peace and purity.  I want to avoid havoc if at all possible.  So, I try to act quickly when I see one of my “spots” out of whack.  My spirit spot is meant for His habitation (is He noted and sought after), my soul is meant for purity, to be mastered by the spirit spot (am I listening to my new heart and moving from there rather than the mind; and in that realm, am I taking every thought captive and into His thoughts?), my body is His place of habitation (am I caring for it as though I am acutely aware He resides in me?).  This is not a legalistic, regimented lifestyle;  disciplined, yes, but my discipline, not yours, or anyone else's.  It’s not about right and wrong, winning and loosing, it’s about transformation.  Am I moving along in my journey toward Him?  Do I love myself and others likewise?  Is life sweet?  Those are questions I ask myself often.


THIS FIRST POST IS DEDICATED TO THE BODY, though I believe the spirit spot in each of us deserves the place of first course, however, it being the first of the year, pacts being made and all that.  Keeping in mind, of course, that this is my husbands journey and mine, each one reading this will hear differently what he or she must do for themselves…so here goes

We love exercise…Fresh air…

…and Sunshine

A little extra weight…but happy 
Sumer 2012

Thin (er)…(still happy) into the winter
January 2013

OPTIMUM PHYSICAL HEALTH, may look quite different on me than it does on you.  Some folks just luck out and find health to be easy, others have maladies that just don’t seem fair, but then, as mama says, life isn’t supposed to be fair.  How I deal with that right there, it can be a key fashioned to turn me toward freedom, or lock me up in a lifelong mental prison of bitterness.    
I love feeling excited about life, happy to roll out of the sack in the morning and ready to dive into what the day holds.  Mind you, I don’t always feel excited, but I’d like to.  Here lately, it is much easier as my energy level rises to meet my life dream.  
I have found that the aforementioned is not wholly dependent upon a healthy body, however good health can carry a caregiver a long long ways down that hard trodden path.   Zach’s care is intense and sometimes, I’m just plain tired, or have felt I don’t have what it takes to give what I know is needed.  He, Zach, can’t help me.  He just knows he needs help and I am his helper, sick to death, or healthy as a horse, I am his caregiver. 
A few years ago, early in 2009 I had hip replacement surgery.  I was born with hip dysplasia and at 52 years of age, it was, well, plum wore out.  I was sleeping on tennis balls to cut the nerve pain and after several years of limping around like granny with a cane, I decided (with the gentle nudging of my loving husband) that it was time to fix that birth defect ASAP.  I wish I’d done it earlier.  Pain free, able to care for Zach and working out every day.  I had to take the bull by the horns so to speak and get’er’done.   

ONE WAY we looked into finding OUR OPTIMUM was through JUICE CLEANSING,   However, day two was straight from the abyss, but about day three we started to feel somewhat better and the weight was melting, yes, that miracle word…melting off.  Web, my husband of 32 years has been suffering from the effects of an autoimmune disorder, RA and skin rashes for the past ten years.  He has been on very expensive medication for the RA and antihistamines for his allergies every day.  He began to feel the positive results of our changed diet immediately (after day two, which, did I mention was from hell), he also wanted and needed to lose about thirty pounds.  Me, I thought I would support his decision and go along for a few days.  I like health; how hard can it be?  I am a fairly disciplined person, I workout almost daily and eat for my health….Ahem, reasonably well.  Piece-a-cake.  Right?  Right!

FOR ME, no RA, instead FEMALE AGING is in full force, hot flashes, weight gain and worst of all, the icy gray brain fog, arg, slog…slush!  Not terminal, I don’t think, but uncomfortable as heck.  I thought perhaps a cleanse would help with the symptoms of that and also some other light aches and pains that I have “grown” into.  I’ve tried every remedy known to man (except pharmaceuticals, which I deem a last resort) and had a little success; bio-identical hormones gave me about fifty percent relief with hot flashes in intensity and duration.  I found that with the weight gain, good old fashioned, eat less, move more was doing the trick (but SO hard!).  Then our insurance ran out last July, my ability to hang on to my bio-identical hormones went away.  Ahhhhh!  What to do?
The idea that Zach may not be as well tended as he could be sends me vaulting towards my personal optimum health (most days, because some days, I just feel like slogging it out and eating chocolate), like I said, in all three realms of my being, my spirit, my soul and my body.

A CLEANSE.  No body wants to hear about the dope next to them who found the latest cure for what ails them through their diet and a ridged exercise plan.  BOOOOO!  So I will try to be objective and unbiased…though it will be hard for me, so I will ask you to please bear with the gray-haired cheerleader.  We are twenty-five days in…details gone missing, let’s just say the past three weeks have been topsy-turvy, over headache hill and down energy mountain, over “what have I done?! cliff and on over to to the plateau; gee, I feel great!…(when can I have a burger?!).
I had heard that a cleanse could reset your health quickly without the side affects of pharmaceuticals.  I had also heard that it could kick autoimmune disorders in the derriere.  So here’s the skinny on that (google, Knife over Fork, The Juice Lady and Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead); keep in mind we did a 16 day juice cleanse (did I mention that I won’t be doing that again any time soon…) and are only a total of twenty-five days into the whole of eating nothing but raw (I started in on chicken stock and protein about 4 days ago), but some of the rewards of all that climbing and plummeting are in…

SURPRISE NUMBER ONE, In the morning, or rather the middle of the night when I’d get up to care for Zach I’d find myself hobbling from the pain in the souls of my feet; I’d heard that it was just something old folks put up with (nerve damage, or something like that), so I did, until about day five of the cleanse when I noted that the pain had almost completely disappeared.
NUMBER TWO, we heard through a friend that a local chiropractor was treating his RA with diet and had had great success (no pharmaceuticals), this news spurred us on even further.  Web says his joint pain is nearly gone just from changing his diet and his rash has diminished.
NUMBER THREE, how does Zach feel when we are not ourselves because of pain, or poor health?  Would mom and dad’s regained verve affect Zach?  I would think, Zach being highly tuned to the spiritual world, would sense our well being with greater receptivity than we do and I know how I respond when someone with good health, glowing skin and sparkly eyes comes into my space.  I not only see it, I feel it!  We are pretty sure Zach is feeling our good health.  He is smiley and happy.
NUMBER FOUR, the energy level I began to feel around day twelve was awesome.  I felt and continue to feel like a kid!  It’s a good high.  One I’d like to stay on.  I had ups and downs till day twelve.  In fact…I was ready to bail.  So glad I stayed on the juice wagon.  Web says he can’t ever remember feeling this good.
NUMBER FIVE, seven pounds for me; twenty lbs for Web, in twenty-five days.  Not the goal of the cleanse, but hey, a nice side affect don’t ya think?
NUMBER SIX, Sloshy, slushy gray brain fog…gone!  Hot flashes, better some days and others, they are the same.  I am still holding out hope that as I continue, they will be alleviated, obliterated, blown out of my body completely.
AND STILL COUNTING…

Day one, December 28th…not well hubby

Day twenty-eight, January 25th…Amazing results!

   

28 days in….I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED on our successes and perhaps failures.  We are, after all, human, but I am a believer!  Yesterday we had an exciting addition of a little smoked salmon sprinkled on our raw salad.  We nearly cried it tasted so good!  Protein is underrated.  We are in this for the long haul; slowly adding goodness to our food regime and routing out those things that cause a bad reaction.  It’s a food adventure!  
Organic raw food, fresh air and exercise to heal, or pharmaceuticals?  I don’t know about you, but we choose the former.

Fun Raw Recipe:

Rich and Creamy Mock Pate

Ingredients:

2 stalks celery (finely diced)

2 cups raw walnut pieces

1 large red bell pepper (cut into fine diced-sized pieces)

1 large scallion or 1/2 a leek (finely diced)

1/2 to 1 teaspoon sea salt

My addition 1/8 tsp liquid smoke.  And I don't finely dice my veggies, just slice them up so they fit into the VitaMix.  The VM does all the work for ya.

Put all ingredients into a blender, and puree until mixture is creamy smooth in texture.

Scoop onto cucumber slices, carrot discs, or an array of fresh sliced veggies of your choice.