Wednesday, September 14, 2011


Zach stuck on the stairs with two of
his favorite kick-it balls

Dad just left.  The house is quiet.  Zach has had three seizures these past two days.  The huge bug eyed monster of “alone” is staring back at me; a bit intimidating.  Zach is stuck and confused, he’s setting on the stairs, it’s almost 1:00 p.m. and he just finished his breakfast; no walk today, no kick it either.  Mom has had no breakfast save three cups of coffee and one jasmine pearl green tea.   Lunch thus far, a handful of sunflower seeds and a banana...

I anticipate this will be an uneventful day, but I’ve imagined that before and things happen; unexpected interruptions and Zach’isms no amount of planning can accommodate.

What I’d like to do; get a cup of tea, read and study, write, watch a movie, concoct some gooey gourmet food, eat chocolate and ice cream, curl up on the couch for a nap, take a nice slow walk in the sunshine and go directly to bed with a good book…Life, on the other hand, has asked me to care for the “least of these” as though he were Christ himself.  This time, I will choose Life rather than be self indulgent; I can care for me in the midst of life lived abundantly.

An hour later….My gourmet lunch today…it came to consists of cold raw milk poured over Nature’s Path Heritage Flakes.  Rather than hunching over the counter and jamming soup spoonful after scoop into my mouth, I sat at the kitchen bar and ate like a normal person, albeit somewhat ravenously and with milk dripping off the end of my chin.  I had to stop myself, an entire half-gallon of raw milk, as well as a newly opened box of cereal almost vanished...

At 2:00 p.m., Zach is beginning his bedtime routine.  He, with his very sleepy eyes, is covered up in his freshly changed double bed with a plastic container of foam numbers and letters open before him.  He goes through this routine every night picking just the right number, shape or letter’s to take to bed with him.  Tonight he has reclined to do this very important chore that is usually done hanging off the side of the bed.  Apparently his energy level is on par with mine; not high enough to lean, or hunch.

I will go in and read Zach his bedtime stories soon, he may, or may not finish his very early dinner, watch a movie in bed and fall asleep.  I presume my evening will follow this pattern very closely; although, after consuming such large amounts of cereal, my early dinner may be popcorn popped in coconut oil, topped with sea salt and a fresh, high quality (light-yellow in color) brewers yeast along with…perhaps a few ounces of dark chocolate.

The soundtrack to Anne Of Green Gables is tinkling in the background-I stand at my front door and gaze across our very warm valley on this September day where Extreme Home Makeover is wrapping up yet another marvelous projects for a family in our area with not one, but two biological autistic children, the McPhails.  Now that is some serious feng shui!  I sigh holding my mug of tea, there is a lot of good out there as well as in here.  We are not alone and really nice things happen to brighten life here and there.  A cup of tea, a view and a comfy chair go along way in my world.

After Zach falls asleep, I’d like to think that I will put on my grandmother’s apron and toss together some random ingredients and make myself a "fun healthy for me" meal, pour myself a small glass of wine and treat myself to a quiet simple dish eaten in reflection and solitude and then (if it was tasty) I would post the recipe with this blog.  We’ll see.  I laid awake for three hours last night (raging hot flashes) and then at 1:30 a.m. tended a very post-ictal young man.  I wish I were bionic, but alas, I am wrapped in real flesh with warm blood coursing through my veins.  I pat my, full of Heritage Flakes belly, bed I think won’t come fast enough...

…Three hours later, Zach slid out of bed and is setting on the kitchen floor with his untouched supper, his water cup and the foam toys he picked out; enter the unexpected…he is stuck…will he eat, will bedtime ever come?  Will I get that quiet house ‘er?

6:00 p.m., I hear little rabbit nibbling sounds behind the butcher block…hope springs!…

Fast rabbit, 6:15 he’s done eating.  It’s finally quiet; wish Web were here to enjoy the sunset and a glass of riesling with me.  Pj’s, glasses perched on nose, iced rooibos tea and some reading it is!

Day two…Zach slept till 4:40 a.m., this is a very good miracle!  So it wasn’t 6:00 a.m., it was better than the normal 2:30 a.m.  *I feel rested-I feel good-I feel ready to care as I should*.  The fuel behind this happy dance is that I’m aware how I feel most days.  Thank the living Life for gracing our night with much needed sleep!  Shower for Zach (though I am still in my pj's), meds and supplements in Zach (though my supplements lay on the counter), breakfast made for Zach (no breakie for mom), coffee into me….toy time!

Whatever this day holds, I’m ready to do my part, as Web/Dad teaches a group at Sun River about the powerful meaning of christian marriage.  Thus far the buzz is, it has been well received and just what the body needs to hear.

2:00 p.m.-One hour to the Extreme Home Makeovers “Move That Bus!”  How wonderful for this deserving family!!

3:00 p.m. and they’ve most likely “moved that bus”.  I think I can hear the cheering and tears from my hilltop; perhaps just in Spirit.  Go McPhails!!  Bedtime for Zach.  Those seizures can take a lot out of a young man.  Mom is going to study and write; maybe post this blog.

Second day Foodie in the kitchen, while Zach snores on the couch for two hours.

Southwest Chicken Dip

4 chicken breasts cooled, cooked and shredded, or chopped
1 tsp kosher salt
1/2 cup chopped cilantro
4 green onions chopped
1/2 sweet white onion
1 avocado chopped finely
1 4oz can diced green chilies
1 4oz can shoepeg corn
1 4 oz can mexican corn (or for the canned corn, cut corn off of three ears roasted corn[leave husks in tact, soak ears in a large tub of cold water for 2-6 hours, roast in husk on barbecue.  Peal and cut the corn off of the cob])
1/3 cup soy free Veganaise
1 Lime, juiced
1/2 lemon juiced
dash of cumin

Mix together and serve with gluten free Beanitos corn free chips.  Makes a great light summer meal.

Tomorrow marks day three; four hours of respite, but….oh dear...I have a routine mamo, what an awful way to spend blessed respite hours, but alas it must be done and ’tis better done without a twenty-year-old autistic in tow.  Dad will be home tomorrow!!  I think we did this!


There would be no seizures.  And one of the days, we would have a long stint of respite care.  I’d call ahead and book myself an hour long massage and a pedicure at spa and schedule lunch at the Dragonfly with my sisters, or a friend.  I would have saved enough money to go to my favorite used clothing store, Avant Garb in Ashland-just to look, or maybe I’d find that desired thing-a pair of black cowgirl boots with flair-then I’d loop my purse over my shoulder and lolly-gag along the streets of the very picturesque pre-autumn sun-filled Ashland, Oregon, with a cup of joe from Noble Coffee.

Zach on his run/walk
chair time
Zach would be happily playing kick-it in the yard with one of his lovely respite care givers.  They would fix him his favorite noon meal (organic hot dogs, pickles and organic strawberries and a banana), take him for his midday walk/run and play toy-toys with him on the couch and read, Winnie The Pooh and Tigger Too, his favorite book.  He would be clapping, bouncing like Tigger and wearing a smile from ear to ear all day long.

After a quick trip to the Ashland Food Coop to snatch up a few of my favorite items, chocolate, salami and cheese, a nice red wine and perhaps a warm freshly baked baguette to go with.  Zach would welcome me home happily and I, I would be glad to be home on our quiet hilltop.  He and I would have some time to play in the yard, me with my sparkling lemonade, before the onset of his bedtime routine.  I’d fix dinner for him and place it on the plate prettily, put him to bed, give him the royal treatment; movie, dinner in bed, books read, a good melon scratch and some time beside him on the pillow, head to head-love pouring from one noggin to the other.
Everyone should have a tea set and a
teatime, or two in their day.

I’d click my ruby red slippers and soothing music would begin, maybe a little Jack Johnson, pour a little boysenberry iced tea into a pretty cup, or perhaps some wine, arrange my, no doubt, colorful dinner on a white stoneware plate while doing a little jig, put on a good chick-flick, or pick up a good book, perhaps thee Good Book and curl up on my very soft brown couch and enjoy a spot of serenity.  I’d hear Zach snoring softly in the monitor.  The house would be very quiet; I’d lock it up and wander up the stairs, climb between two white line dried cotton sheets and Zach and I would sleep till 6:00am without waking.

Feng Shui, what it boils down to-making the best of what we have; we scoot unpleasant out the door and replace it with helpful and pleasant and with the mind, we turn all happenings around till we find the good spot.  Happy’er life!

Coming soon, In Pictures-One Week Feng Shui’ed-Our Family Vacation and a Big Ol’ Mountain Wedding and right on those high heels, The Healing Laughter of Sister Time.